User:TV2424/Flower mantis/Clairebriar Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

TV2424


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * Flower Mantis


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Flower mantis

Evaluate the drafted changes
Positives of the Contribution:

The initial article, surprisingly, was very limited! Your contributions were well-needed and very beneficial to the page as a whole. They improved the overall flow, and the addition of the references

Your reworking of the original author's contributions improved the structure of the initial article, and your addition of information regarding "aggressive mimicry" and "chemical aggressive mimicry" effectively related the article to the topic of animal behaviour.

All added information has been supported by an academic source, and the sources added (those I could view) are reliable and factual!

Critiques of the Contribution:

I believe your article could benefit from the addition of some headings and/or subheadings. For example, the section starting "Juvenile mantises..." could be categorized under a heading of "Behaviour" or "Antipredator Mechanisms". This would help build the structure and organization of the article. Your section regarding the Orchid Mantis could also be included as a subheading under "Example species", aptly titled "Orchid Mantis". Not only would this improve the structure of the article, it would also provide other contributors a section to add in information regarding other species of Flower Mantis. Another section that could be categorized and further expanded upon could be the one detailing the life stages of mantises and their various body morphology. This heading could be titled "Life History", and could be expanded upon with information regarding reproduction, birth, etc.

I would also suggest adding some visual aids in the form of images to your contributions! You could add a photo of an Orchid Mantis, or even an image showing a species of Flower Mantis in camouflage to emphasize the importance of such an ability to this organism. I personally would have appreciated the addition of a diagram illustrating the different body morphologies of the mantis in certain life stages, as something so visual can easily be misinterpreted by the reader.

Some grammar I would modify are the following sentences (I have bolded or struck through what aspects of the original I have changed):


 * "These animals use a special form of camouflage that is used to not only avoid predation but to also attract prey, this is referred to as aggressive mimicry" → "These animals use a special form of camouflaged referred to as aggressive mimicry, which is used not only to avoid predation but to attract prey as well."
 * "There is no evidence that suggests that they mimic a specific orchid, but their body’s are often white with pink markings" → "There is no evidence to suggest that they mimic a specific orchid, but their bodies are often white with pink markings"
 * "juveniles are able to distort their bodies to resemble the form of a flower fairly well because they are able to bend their abdomens upwards, however the adult’s wings are too large inhibiting their ability to bend as the juveniles do" → "juveniles are able to bend their abdomens upwards, allowing them to easily resemble a flower. However, the adult’s wings are too large, inhibiting their ability to bend as the juveniles do"
 * "One mechanism that the orchid mantis possesses that attract pollinators /prey items is the ability to absorb UV light the same way flowers are able to, this makes the mantis appear flower-like to UV sensitive insects" → "One mechanism used by the orchid mantis to attract prey is the ability to absorb UV light, the same way flowers are able to. This makes the mantis appear flower-like to UV sensitive insects, often pollinators"
 * "It was hypothesized that these mantises are able to survive, persist, and attract sufficient prey species in their environment even though they are predominantly immobile because they are found in lower quantities in the environment compared to the amount of flowers present" → "Despite being predominantly immobile, it was hypothesized that these mantises are able to survive and attract prey in their environment because they are found in lower quantities in the environment compared to the amount of flowers present"

There seems to be a slight issue regarding the references list at the bottom of your sandbox. One of the references, reference 3, seems to have been inputted incorrectly. Be sure to modify this and correctly reference the article from which you retrieved the information.

Key Improvements Needed:

My main suggestions would be to develop more structure within you article by adding headings and subheading, and organizing your contributions accordingly. This would allow readers to navigate the article more efficiently and will improve the overall balance of the article. I also editing certain areas to reduce redundancy and run off-sentences, and double-checking the format of your references.

Notes:

I was shocked to see how short the Flower Mantis article initially was! Your contributions are sure to make the article more valuable! It is clear you put a lot of effort into developing your contributions, and I hope you enjoy my feedback!

~ClaireBriar