User:Taco Mon

Taco Mon (1989- ), born Percival Jalapeño Schickelgruber, is the son of renowned physicist, shoemaker, and Venezuelan-German rebel Eduardo Schickelgruber. He changed his name to Taco Mon in lieu of life-altering encounters with a Mexican hippie and a stoner with dreadlocks.

Born to brilliant but middle-class parents, Taco Mon grew up with little adult supervision. For that matter, he spent much of his youth playing the banjo and romping gleefully around in a fedora hat. He found love at age 18, but unfortunately his girlfriend was kidnapped by Canadian mounties and forced to bear-wrestle and drink maple syrup. That continued until she gave up and was shape-shifted into a glass of iced tea, which Taco Mon promptly drank because he didn't know it was actually his girlfriend.

Taco Mon had an extensive collection of pencils that he'd spent the majority of his life accumulating, but in 2010 when they were stolen by the evil neighbor girls and used in a Girl Scouts campfire as marshmallow Toasty-Sticks (and promptly destroyed), he lost all hope in pencil-collecting, and also in life in general. He went down to the border with a chainsaw and began mass-murdering Cactuses, until a Mexican hippie stopped him. The Mexican hippie is rumored to have said, "Mijo, no mates los Cactuses!" He is known to have begun dancing around in a polka-dotted poncho made of recyclable materials. This completely changed Taco Mon's worldview, and started him on a lifetime obsession with space heaters.



The veracity of the above material is ambiguous.