User:Tate Johnson1/Mary Jung/FutureTeacher2026 Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Mary Jung - Tate Johnson1, Gunnar hensley12


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Tate%20Johnson1/Mary_Jung?veaction=edit&preload=Template:Dashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)

Evaluate the drafted changes
(Compose a detailed peer review here, considering each of the key aspects listed above if it is relevant. Consider the guiding questions, and check out the examples of what feedback looks like.)


 * No lead or introduction
 * Add a paragraph that explains what you are going to be talking about (an overview of Mary Jung)
 * Make sure, when you do add a lead, that it is concise and doesn't include all the information (you have to have something to talk about in your main paragraphs)


 * The content is relevant
 * Think about dividing up the content into multiple paragraphs and adding more information about things she specifically does in each
 * Think about adding things about her life before 9to5 or how she got started with the movement
 * Don't use her name so much (sounds choppy) and consider calling her by her last name instead of her first name (Wikipedia entries typically refer by last name)
 * I think your information is unbiased and illustrates all sides of Mary Jung
 * You talk a little about how other women in the organization contributed to the organization but make sure to include what Mary did (this entry is all about her so you should focus on specifically what she did)
 * I like how you included other references though to show the broad scope of the movement
 * Your first two references are pretty good (one of them was from 2006 though so if she's done work after that, that source wouldn't tell you)
 * Your first two sources got information from people in the organization which is good - reliable information
 * Your last source doesn't give much detail and the grammar doesn't scream reliable to me
 * I would strongly consider using this source because it has deeper information about the movement and Mary Jung's job within it https://www.bbc.com/news/stories-55089013
 * Grammar-wise, your entry is pretty good
 * I think your sentences are varied in length and structure which helps with choppiness
 * Try to make sure your sentences have a variety of words - try not to use the same word multiple times in the same sentence
 * EX: The 9to5 Organization originated in Boston, Massachusetts, however, Mary Jung did her work in the Cleveland, Ohio sector of the organization.
 * you could leave out the second "organization", so it sounds better
 * Again, I think you could break up the paragraph into sections and elaborate
 * The paragraphs should be split up into main points
 * Maybe try early life, 9to5 organization, involvement in the organization, and accomplishments (maybe - if you can find stuff for this), and after the movement (i.e., what is she doing now or what did she move onto after/because of the movement)
 * Just suggestions but might be helpful to divide them into these categories - plus then you get a lot more information
 * Adding a picture of Mary Jung would be a good addition
 * Make sure to caption the photo
 * I like that you have links within your article to make it more searchable
 * Keep adding links to other Wikipedia entries - it will make your entry seem more reliable and honest
 * You are doing a great job so far. This is great information to add to a brand-new Wikipedia entry
 * Just some suggestions to make your entry even better and one that people can rely on in the future for information about Mary Jung