User:Tayorigan

WARNING: AUSTRALIANS SHOULD NOT CONTINUE IF YOU VALUE YOUR LIFE. WHICH WE DON’T. NEW ZEALANDERS WELCOME. Ktayoriga

I want to fly. Is that too much to ask? Ktayoriga has skies so blue they reflect. They shine like the sapphires of the oceans. There is only one place in the world where I don’t feel like a tomato in a peach tree. That beautiful, rich, lush country is Ktayoriga. I constantly dream of this realm of indisputable beauty because it is the only place where I feel accepted as myself, not as the vain, overprotected creep that people stereotype me as. The people there have the same beliefs as I do. Those beliefs consist of piracy, oozing untruthfulness, and delving deep into the realm of jellied fruits. Plus, Kenni does not beat me up for wearing floaties on my arms when it rains. Ktayoriga is divided into three states, or provinces. All of these provinces have exactly equal square mileage. One is called the Gheno, a district short on money but rich on heart and soul. The populace constantly sings songs written in three-four time. Toriyama, a suburbia haven for the muscular type, is where most of the population dwells on the weekdays. Jadwiga, however, is full of those who are more intelligent and socially inept. Most of these residents are mediocre by nature and by financial disorders known as “I must shop whenever I get the urge”. There is no known cure. All of these provinces are located near to the country’s capitol, Sometimes. The main export of Ktayoriga is fear and pain. If you pay extra, they’ll even gift wrap it in delightfully, shaded patterns of carnivals and jaguars dancing the mamba. This is best demonstrated by the well known Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris. He is the only known emigrant to survive past three weeks of ’normality’. The average normality rate is never, even for the prudent. He, being Chuck Norris strikes fear into any perpetrator of the law. In fact, Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer. Too bad he never cries. In addition, Chuck Norris doesn’t own a microwave, an oven, or even a toaster, because revenge is a dish best served cold. One of the national fruits of Ktayoriga, is the pineapple. The vegetable friend of that rare delicacy, is the ArticYukon potato. In fact, their national song is dubbed Pineapples and Potatoes. It is sung nearly every morning in the schools and bustling grocery markets. While reciting this lyrical arrangement they wear polyester plaid overalls. This attire was deemed worthy by the Czar, Austen George, to represent the very essence of Ktayoriga. Which, of course, we all know comes from the deep roots of their heritage. Icelandic regions, and Idahoan immigrants, as well. Ktayorigans seriously hate Australians, and tend to attack on sight. This is not a stereotype. It is a fact. New Zealanders, however, are welcomed with open arms and fruit baskets, often with a potato directly centered within the fruit pile. The baskets were manufactured within Jadwiga, weaved with fear, anger, and spite. Did you know that more people die in Ktayoriga when you kill them, then when you don’t? The horrible pirates known to this region can fiercly kill someone so bad that they die! While searching the Forbidden Sea of Congruence, a large freshwater feature off the coast of Jadwiga, they search for goldfish of the delicious cracker variety. In order to do this, they must dress in a certain apparel which consists of a bald cap, intensely intimidating black boots with two inch heels, a false beard, a mermaid tail, and several varieties of polka dot and striped puffy shirts and tight fitting trousers. They are commonly known for having hidden closets stashed about their fearsome pirate ships. Jadwiga is ruled by the King Jadwiga, although she is a woman. That seems to not have any effect on the communistic relationships between ruler and servant within their assumed vicinities. For example, the fifty-two percent of the total Ktayorigan population that lives in Jadwiga that is neither pirate nor innocent schoolchild love their ruler unconditionally. In the Gheno there is only one leader that takes on the responsibility of running said beloved province. His name is known only as Floaty Udder to his personal acquaintances, but Prince Butterfly McQueen to the rest of the kingdom. The Vice Prince is known as Sprilan de Duffenschmirtz. Toriyama’s leader is Akira Toriyama, whom you might recognize as a very popular pop singer in both Japan and Canada. She rules with an iron fist, some say clenched around a pink rhinestone microphone, with no mercy. This petite threat is otherwise known as Bronze Fist, the Unfathomable. The ultimate ruler of all of Ktayoriga is named Czar Austen George. He is known in the Gheno as “Aussie”, and in other parts of the country as “The one who pays our taxes for us”. Austen’s castle is guarded by monkey dolls armed with pineapple “Funky Jacks”, which are deadly weapons, made within the Toriyama district. These tools of mass destruction tickle anyone in the radius of 253 kilometers and feet. Then, after this they dump jelly down your shirt and shoes. To conclude, I would just like to restate that if you are Australian or Miley Cyrus, you should not ever enter Ktayoriga, for your own safety. I pictured this in my mind because it is the only place where I feel accepted as myself. The people there have the same beliefs as I do, and Kenni does not beat me up for wearing floaties on my arms when it rains. I want to fly. Is that so much to ask? So dream of my place. I dare you. I will be dreaming of yours...