User:Tbeaisasn579779257/Pavel Nakhimov/Canesandpeace Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Tbeaidasn579779257


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Tbeaisasn579779257/Pavel_Nakhimov?preload=Template%3ADashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Pavel Nakhimov

Evaluate the drafted changes
Lead


 * The lead is pretty bare of information and a summary of the article. Once you have completed adding new information to the draft, I think a revised lead section would be an improvement to the article
 * even a quick overview of his military service and titles may help to provide a strong lead section, and add in his impact of ships named after him

Content


 * There could be some more content about how he became active in the Crimean War and some more background which provides context for his feats in the military
 * The crimean war section starts off with "During the Crimean War of 1853-1856 Nakhimov distinguished himself by annihilating the Ottoman fleet at Sinope in 1853" and quickly jumps to a different battle. More context about the beginning of the war and the Sinope battle could be useful to understand how he annihilated the fleet. Provide the scenery for his heroics
 * check to see if there is any noteworthy information about the movie itself other than it depicting him. Did the movie misrepresent something about him or add new information or for what purpose was the movie made?
 * Each paragraph is pretty short and could be developed. Is there more information and context which could be added to the main points of each paragraph

Tone


 * The draft does a good job of staying neutral and doesn't argue sides
 * Some more background on associates or the battles which he fought in. Him winning a battle doesn't describe much about him-what did he and the Russian army do that made him stand out?

Sources


 * There are whole sections on both the article and the draft which have no sources at all for the information so check the sources from the article to see if you can add any sources to each sentence
 * "n 1817, he entered the Naval Academy for the Nobility (Morskoy Dvoryanskiy Korpus) in Saint Petersburg. That year, he made his first sea voyage aboard the frigate Feniks ("Phoenix") to the shores of Sweden and Denmark. He was promoted to a non-commissioned officer soon after. In February 1818, he passed examinations to become a midshipman and was immediately assigned to the second Fleet Crew (Flotskiy Ekipazh) of the Russian Imperial Navy's Baltic Fleet." - This whole paragraph from the early service doesn't have any sources attached to it as well as the two paragraphs below it.
 * There are only 4 sources listed so scour the internet to see if you may be able to add additional sources and cite them in the article
 * there is a 5th source which appears not be cited at all in the article and appears as a bullet underneath the cited sources. Maybe useful to use that source and cite it in the article

Organization


 * The draft does a good job of breaking down the article into sections which flow and make sense
 * There are a good amount of useful images which help augment the content
 * The content is well written without any mistakes.
 * "Azov, under then-Captain First Rank M.P. Lazarev, distinguished itself most prominently in the Battle of Navarino (20 October 1827), during which the allied British-French-Russian fleet "totally" destroyed the Ottoman squadron". This sentence from the last paragraph of early military career confused me. I'm not quite sure what is meant and what subject connects with that.

Overall, this is a good start to the draft. I think the section breakdown and images are a strong point for this draft. I think there should be a focus on citing sources for most or all sentences and getting more content to fully develop the article from a major achievements article to a biography. Try to find some more sources and aide the current information. Once there is more content, a more developed lead section would be a great improvement.