User:Td1935/Kim Eunho/Poppyprint Peer Review

Kim Eun-ho (김은호, 1892-1979) is (was - should be past tense) a painter who lived through the end of the Joseon dynasty and many milestones of Korea's history including the annexation of the Korean Empire by Imperial Japan, the independence and division of Korea, creating inspiring artwork through the decades. He is known for being an influential artist recognized at the Joseon Art Exhibition, and skillful user of the nihonga style in his work.

I suggest revising this lead.

I would ask you to look at more sample Wikipedia artist pages: Dorothea Lange

Here is another by one of your classmates (vetted by Wikipedia officer): Varlen Pen

You can see that well-written leads do not necessarily emphasize the historical events throughout the artist's life - his accomplishments as an artist should come first. I also think words like "inspiring" is not neutral enough. I do recognize the need to emphasize the Japanese colonial period in the case of Kim Eun-ho, so I suggest revising the lead something like:

Kim Eun-ho was a Korean painter known for his skillful use of the nihonga style in his work. He was particularly active during the Japanese colonial period, recognized many times at the Joseon Art Exhibition. He remained influential throughout the twentieth century.

== Biography[edit] - Remember that you are talking about a deceased artist - you should use past tense. / You have many adjectives which would not be considered "neutral" per Wikipedia policy. / Remember to address Kim Eun-ho by his last name, Kim, not "Eun-ho" == Kim Eun-ho, born in 1892 is from Incheon in the Kyonggi Province.

-> Kim Eun-ho was born in 1892 in Incheon, a city in the Kyonggi Province of South Korea. (Is this it...?)

I would ask you to look at more sample Wikipedia artist pages: Dorothea Lange

Here is another by one of your classmates (vetted by Wikipedia officer): Varlen Pen

You can see that in the biography section, the artist is emphasized and comes first. It's really great that you provide explanations about each educational institution, but remember this Wiki page is about the artist, not the institution. Start with the artist first. So, for example, for Kyongsong School of Calligraphy and Painting, here is my suggested edit:

Kim Eun-ho joined the Kyongsong School of Calligraphy and Painting as a student in 1912 at the age of 20 years. (instead of "among them" to emphasize your artist). The Kyongsong School of Calligraphy and Painting was established by Yun Yeong-gi in 1911, where influential  great  artists of the time like An Jung-sik, Cho Suk-jin, Jeong Dae-yu, Kang Pil-ju, Kang Jin-hui, and Kim Eung-won taught a new generation of modern Korean ink (I wanted to emphasize that we are not talking about oil) painters. Here Kim was given the pen name Yee Dang by An Jung-sik in 1913 and he graduated in 1915. The time spent at this school allowed Eun-ho to pursue ink-wash painting under the masters in the field.

Can you do that for the rest of the institutions? It's a pretty minor edit - reversing the order so that the reader can see what Kim did first, then learning more about the institution and what happened there.

* I also suggest the following edit about Nihonga. As you remember, the medium of traditional ink wash vs new oil painting was a big deal, so I think it's important to remind the reader about the medium.

During this period  Eun-ho  Kim Eun-ho mastered the nihonga art style. Nihonga, which means "Japanese painting, (<-I put a comma here)" was  an art  a new ink painting style that developed against in response to the influx of (I used response instead of against because nihonga is not necessarily opposing Western painting style) Western painting style in Japan. This style portrays women as fair and elegant, bringing out stereotypical expectations of women in accordance with orientalism. (I suggest moving this last sentence about the portrayal of women to the section where you discuss Kim's work)

Kyongsong School of Calligraphy and Painting, Seoul (Gyeongseong-seohwa-misulwon 경성서화미술원 京城書畵美術院)[edit]
The Kyongsong School of Calligraphy and Painting was established by Yun Yeong-gi in 1911, where great artists of the time like An Jung-sik, Cho Suk-jin, Jeong Dae-yu, Kang Pil-ju, Kang Jin-hui, and Kim Eung-won taught a new generation of modern Korean painters.

Among them was Kim Eun-ho who joined the Kyongsong School of Calligraphy and Painting as a student in 1912 at the age of 20 years. Here he was given the pen name Yee Dang by An Jung-sik in 1913 and he graduated in 1915. The time spent at this school allowed Eun-ho to pursue ink-wash painting under the masters in the field.

Tokyo School of Fine Arts[edit]
The Tokyo School of Fine Arts is currently known as Tokyo University of the Arts (東京藝術大学, Tōkyō Geijutsu Daigaku) or Geidai (芸大) was established in 1887 by Okakura Kakuzo and others. At the time, this school was the only institution that taught Western painting styles in an organized manner in East Asia, and therefore had a large number of international students from China, Korea and Taiwan.

Kim Eun-ho attended the school from 1924 to 1927. During this period Eun-ho mastered the nihonga art style. Nihonga, which means "Japanese painting" was an art style that developed against the Western style in Japan. This style portrays women as fair and elegant, bringing out stereotypical expectations of women in accordance with orientalism.

'''Kim Eun-ho passed away in 1979. (<-this should not be under education. Also, again, see existing Wiki articles - they do not use bold font in regular sentences. You might just want to create another subsection titled "Death" for this sentence)'''

Painting Style and Subject Matter [edit] (<- I added subject matter since that's what you mostly discuss)
Kim was known for skillfully using the nihonga style, which is a Japanese style of painting that focuses on being different from the Western style of painting or yoga. He was also known for his portraiture which displayed his expertise in fine brushwork and intricate patterns. He was a traditional painter who mostly used ink to paint on materials like silk and paper. He also painted many works related to Buddhism and nature.

(I changed the order here to emphasize Kim's portrayal of women - and also since you are adding more content here from the previous section)

Many of his paintings revolve around women and children engaging in various daily activities, usually facing away from the viewer and dressed in traditional Korean clothing. 'In Kim's paintings, following the nihonga'' paintings of beauties, the women are portrayed as fair and elegant. They have been criticized for bringing out stereotypical expectations of women in accordance with orientalism.'''

(I changed the order for better transition)

 However, he Kim was an influential painter of the time whose paintings are still showcased and auctioned in Korea as well as the United States of America. However, some of his paintings published created (you don't "publish" paintings..)during the decades of Japanese colonialism (be more specific) difficulty and conflict of Korea, (the comma should not be here) are seen as insensitive or pro-Japanese works by modern day art critiques.

Joseon Art Exhibition[edit][edit]
The Joseon Art Exhibition was established by the Japanese government in 1922,  (delete comma) during the Japanese annexation of Korea. This exhibition was a way by which the Japanese government controlled the art scene of Korea,  framing (promoting?) certain  painting s subject matter and categories as better than others. The exhibition consisted of three sub-sections: (you should use colon, not semicolon, here)  ; first  'Oriental' style (tongyanghwa), (add comma) which was the officially accepted Eastern paintings that  are were painted using the Japanese nanga and nihonga styles,  second  the Western style paintings and sculpture  which paintings  in the style of Japanese Academism, (<-comma) and third calligraphy, later restructured as craft. '''Submitting your artwork and being selected by the jury to have your art exhibited was seen as an honor and as the standard pathway for an artist to establish themselves officially. (DO NOT USE SECOND PERSON VOICE IN FORMAL WRITING - MAKE SURE YOU FIX THIS! I think you can just say "submitting an artwork..." or although it sounds stuffy, "submitting one's artwork...to have one's work - use "work" instead of art here - exhibited)'''

Kim Eun-ho was featured in the Joseon Art Exhibition consecutively for many years. He was also eventually awarded with recognition and appointed one of the jurors of the exhibition, (<-added comma) which was only granted to three Koreans in its history.

Students[edit][edit]
Being one of the first nihonga style painters with a foreign education from Japan, Kim Eun-ho returned to Korea and established himself as a well known artist and teacher. The renowned painter Kim Ki-ch'ang, (<-added comma) who is a renowned and loved modernist painter  ("loved" is not neutral enough; remember to use past tense) who also went by the pen name Unbo, was one of the students of Eun-ho (change to Kim Eun-ho) in the 1930s.  He learnt (archaic expression)  Kim Ki-chang learned calligraphy and painting and specifically the nihonga style from Kim and went on to win many prizes at the Joseon Art Exhibition.

Awards and Recognition[edit][edit] (Use uppercase for titles)
As and expert in portraiture, Kim was often given the opportunity to paint significant individuals in Korean history. Kim was also one of the three Korean artists who was recognized as a  'participant' (? Don't you mean jurors?) at the Joseon Art exhibition. While this indicates that Kim was an influential and highly sanctioned artist of the time,  modern art  some critics and art historians today say that Kim was one who perfectly abided by the rules of the Japanese government and was a painter who recreated the Japanese agenda through his paintings.

Paintings[edit]

Portraits of Emperor Sunjong[edit]
Emperor Sunjong (1874-1926) was the last emperor of Korea, who ruled between 1907 and 1910. He is also the only son of Emperor Gojong. Kim is known to have painted three separate portraits of Emperor Sunjong during different times of his career, in 1912, 1923 and between 1923-28. All of these paintings are said to be done by using the Emperor's photograph as a reference instead of an official audience with the Emperor himself.

Portrait of Yi U, a grandson of Emperor Gojong[edit]
Yi U (1912-1945) was the grandson of Emperor Gojong who was named the heir of the Unhyeon Palace in 1917. Kim painted a portrait of Yi U, again using a photograph as the reference where Yi is dressed in the official court dress and bears a gold crown.

Buddhist Dancing by a Beauty, 1922[edit]
During this period, painting people especially women, elderly and children became the trend. This painting of Kim's is a good example where two beautiful nuns are engaged in a Buddhist dance.

Gaze, 1923[edit]
This painting is a subtle shift from Kim's typical traditional themes as he incorporates slight influences of the 'modern girl' or 'new woman' ideologies. The painting depicts a woman under a tree in accordance with traditional themes, however dressed in a sheer and shorter hanbok, accessorized with a short bob haircut which was the trend during the time.

Spring in the Suburb, 1927[edit]
In accordance with Kim's usual themes, this painting too illustrates a mother with her two children, as they walk along in joy. This painting is a good example of Senten paintings, meaning portrayals of women involved in giving birth or raising children.

Woman reading the fortune of the day, 1927[edit]
Depicted in this painting is a woman donning a hanbok, seated on the ground and reading the fortune through a collection of tiny tiles arranged in a particular order.

An Illustration of Golden Offerings, 1937[edit]
This painting portrays gold hairpins being presented to the Japanese Governor General of Korea between 1936 and 1942, Minami Jiro by the leaders of the Patriotic Women's Club. This painting claims much critique in the current day due to its very strong political implications of being supportive of the Japanese government.

Harmony, 1944[edit]
In contrast to the difficult times Korea was facing during this time, this painting presents a happy and harmonious family unit as the title suggests. This painting is of two children and their mother; a singing daughter, a son playing the harmonica and their mother who watches them with content. This painting was published at the last Joseon Art Exhibition, held in 1944.

Hawk, 1944[edit]
Being the year  right  just before the partition (I suggest division instead of partition since that's a more commonly used term when it comes to Korea - I immediately associate partition with India and Pakistan) and independence of Korea, the country was going through many conflicts and themes of war was very prominent among artists as shown in this painting. Here we see a hawk perched on the tip of a rock amidst a rough sea line. ''' Critiques (incorrect use of vocabulary seen throughout the article draft. Critique refers to the assessment, not the person who criticizes - critic. Review dictionary>)  Critics? Art historians? The sources you are using are mostly written by art historians, so I suggest using art historians instead of critics, or saying art historians and critics)''' interpret this scene as a symbol of soldiers in battle planes.

Collections[edit]

 * The British Museum, Korea.
 * KIM Eunho, Portrait of King Sunjong, 1923. National Museum of Modern and Contemporary Art, Korea.

See Also[edit]

 * An Jung-sik
 * Kim Ki-chang

References[edit]

 * 1) ^ Jump up to:a b
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 * 4) ^ Jump up to:a b
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Thenuri - like others have commented, you have a great outline developed for the article (and an excellent range of sources! Great job!), but I am surprised and disappointed to see it at still a developing stage, and also no sign of you having responded to the reviews or working more on the article. I am afraid that the peer review assignment is still incomplete in that regard.

Again, overall the outline looks very promising, but I am not sure if "Political views" would be the proper title for the category. I first thought you were referring to the political views of the artist, but it seems to be more about the reception of his work. Please see this artist page for structure, recommended by our Wikipedia officers:

Dorothea Lange

One of the reasons why I am concerned by the incompleteness of the article is because I have no idea what your writing is. You would want to make sure your writing is polished, professional and formal, free of errors and typos, and formatted correctly, and that you are conveying the information as clearly as possible. This may take several rounds of revisions and you may not have enough time to do it (I cannot ask the Wikipedia officers to review an outline).

Here are my detailed comments and sentence-level edits on your lead to give you an idea. It needs significant revision in terms of content and writing.

Kim Eun-ho (김은호, date?) is a painter who lived to see the end of the Joseon dynasty through many milestones of Korea's history till the assassination of the third President of South Korea, Park Chung-hee (remove or change - is this the most important thing about this artist? Think about what you'd like your reader to now first. And how relevant is Park's assassination to Kim's career as an artist?). He is known for his traditional art style (too vague - be more specific. What style? What art? Ink painting?) and skillful use of the Japanese nihonga style in his artwork.

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