User:Teaghanf12/Undertreatment of pain/Wp.tamiya.georgetown2022 Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

(Teaghan & Anna)


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)

Evaluate the drafted changes
Strengths of the Revision:

- I think you guys revised the Gender section effectively and very well.

- The additional statistics and examples you guys added to the section allowed for a more modern and understandable for people who have little to no knowledge of how gender differs one treatment of pain.

- I enjoyed including the very relevant term 'hysteria' in this section and acknowledging The Yellow Wallpaper.

- You guys also did a good job citing your sources, and your sources seem to be reliable and thorough.

- The paragraph is clear and cohesive and follows a clear path from start to finish. It was very beneficial to speak about the social and biological implications of the undertreatment of pain for women.

Suggested Changes:

- Present information in a more neutral tone. Throughout the section, the information slightly appears to be biased. For example, in the first sentence of the section, adjectives such as 'long' and 'complicated' can come across as if you are on one side of the argument. There are a few more lines in the second paragraph that appear too not neutral

- Maybe see if there is a page already written about The Yellow Wallpaper, and see if you could add a WikiLink to avoid explaining what the book is and focus on how it supports the section.

- Lastly, I would suggest adding a small paragraph to balance the section, and both genders are represented equally.