User:Teague Sloane/Lux (soap)/Aliroc065 Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Teague Sloane


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Teague%20Sloane/Lux_(soap)?veaction=edit&preload=Template%3ADashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Lux (soap)

Evaluate the drafted changes
This article is super vague so it leaves great opportunity to expand. First thing I noticed right off the bat is that your opening statement already exists within the article, but is not followed up by much. If you just eliminated that first sentence I think it would fit great right in the beginning of the article. You do a great job describing the product, and I think that would be complimented well by adding a picture or advertisement that can help the reader visualize something while reading what you have written. There is no information on the arrival of the soap in Africa, so i think including that last paragraph would flow nicely in the article, since they discuss it's arrival in China and the UK. Overall, I think your information would really bring a positive addition to the article.

You did include some information about celebrity spokespeople, which was a little repetitive from what was already written on the page. In the actual article they list some notable celebrities. My opinion would be to eliminate that part from what you intend to add, unless you're able to add some new names to that list. If you really feel like including celebrities is something that you really want to add, maybe you would be able to find some of these celebrities in Lux ad's or show them endorsing the product. This article could really use some visuals and that would be an easy addition that you could make!