User:Tearsofmysoul

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Lytreia
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The realm of Tenjo Long Nose, near the City of Turoine. The people of this kingdom worship noses and respect no male who does not have a large and robust one. It is said that the kingdom fell into great dejection when, due to the arrival of an evil spirit, the strength went out of all the noses in the land and no man could sneeze or use his nose in any other normal way. Even the Holy Nose in the temple collapsed and shrivelled, until it was touched with water from Doonham. Then the nose sprang erect and became even more enormous, robust, and succulent than before. Immediately the nose of every man in Lytreia regained its normal proportions and couples began once more to withdraw to sneeze in private.

Travellers are advised to visit the tomb of Peter the Builder. According to the legends of Lytreia, the tomb contains the Mirror of Two Truths. It is said that any man who looks into it will be turned into two stones, which is why the mirror is kept veiled. The truth is that behind the veil hangs not a mirror but a painting illustrating two all-important truths: that humans copulate and die.

Visiting the Temple of the Nose is not an easy matter. Even the king must take part in a ceremony conducted by the high priestess before entering. She offers the king a comb, which he uses to part her hair before pronouncing the Word of Entry: "I enter, proud and erect. I take my fill of delight imperiously, irrationally, and none punishes." The priestess replies "Not yet," and the king goes on: "But in three months, and in three more months, the avenger comes forth, and mocks me by being as I am, visibly; and by being foredoomed to do as I have done, inevitably." When this ceremony is over, the king is allowed to enter the temple. The Word of Entry for ordinary visitors in not known.

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Telepilus Laestrygonia
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A city on the Mediterranean coast, perhaps in Sicily or southern Italy. A large crag looms over the portm surrounded on all sides by dangerous rocks that leave only one narrow entrance from the sea. The city's inhabitants, the Laestrygonians, are not to be trusted; visitors may find themselves at a gory banquet of which they become the main dish.

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Lytreia