User:TechnoChemist/Samuel Galton Jr./Lil' Runner 2.0 Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

TechnoChemist

Jackthemitch


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * User:TechnoChemist/Samuel Galton Jr.
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Samuel Galton Jr.

Evaluate the drafted change
The article is grammatically correct. Everything in the article is relevant to the article topic. The article is neutral since you fixed the second sentence of the original article, which originally contained the word “despite” suggesting biased opinions about Quakers. Neither the Quakers’ viewpoint about guns nor Galton’s viewpoint on why he chose to manufacture guns seems overrepresented or underrepresented. However, there is only one sentence on each viewpoint. Therefore, adding more information on both sides would benefit the article. The reference links all work, but there are only four references. The small number of references makes the article less reliable. If you were able to increase the reference list to eight to ten references, that would be a significant improvement. It would make the article much more reliable. All sources used up until this point appear to support the claims made in the article. It is unclear whether every fact is supported by a reliable reference because there are not citations after every sentence, and therefore, it can be unclear which reference some of the sentences come from.

The article is extremely lacking in content and has little structure. Therefore, I like that you plan to add more content and divide it into sections. Right now, the article does not have a lead, but the first paragraph would probably be an adequate lead if separated from the rest of the article. In the family section, I would suggest adding a few sentences about the significance of each family member listed. I would also remove the bullet point formatting in this section. In the gun manufacturers section, I would suggest explaining the significance of Galton becoming a gun manufacturer. The original article only says that he is a gun manufacturer. It does not explain what he did of importance as a gun manufacturer. How was he different from other gun manufacturers? In the Lunar Society section, you could write about any notable figures that he met and collaborated with at the society. The moonstones should be moved to the Lunar Society section. I think you should consider adding a section, or at least more information, on Galton’s Canal. He created an entire canal and named it after himself, but there is only one sentence about it in the article. I would also suggest adding a section on his retirement and later life if you can find any information on that. In the current article, we only have information about the most active part of his life. The article has only one picture. I think it would be a good idea to add a picture of the factory where he manufactured guns or a picture of his home at Great Barr Hall. More pictures will help draw the reader back into the time period. Overall, the content added has not contributed greatly to the article because it was just restructuring a single sentence. It should be kept because it takes a biased opinion out of the article. However, future additions should be made that focus on his contributions to society. I think what you plan to add will greatly strengthen the article because it delves into the major accomplishments of his life.

TechnoChemist Response

I agree with everything said in this peer-review. The article structure was a big thing that I immediately saw. The article is lacking in content, which is something we are trying to fix. I have finally found some sources pertaining to Galton's time in the Lunar Society, so that section should be coming soon. With regards to gun manufacturing, yes more needs to, and will be added, about that time in his life. I like your idea for a section about his later life, and I'll try to look a bit more into that. I also intend to add more pictures in the future, since the main paragraphs of the articles was my first priority. I hadn't thought about adding anything more about Galton's Canal, but now that I've looked a bit more into it, it seems like it could be a decent paragraph. I also agree with some of the structure changes you suggested. The bullet point format of his children might work in a PowerPoint, but it doesn't make sense for a Wikipedia article. I'm aware that there haven't been many additions so far, and that will be remedied in the next week or so. Thank you for your review, it was helpful and will help guide where this article goes.

Jackthemitch Response

Adding on to what TechnoChemist said, I will be adding more about Galton's life as a gun manufacturer and why he/his family may have been so prolific and rich in Birmingham. Many would argue that the person this article is about was most famous for his life as a gun manufacturer, and this is backed up by the fact that most sources that talk about him are history of gun books. Therefore, an entire section will be created detailing his work in this manor. Your comment about Galton's family will definitely be acknowledged as the Galton family was expansive and famous during this time in England. More research will have to be done to confirm Samuel Galton Jr.'s connection to all of the other famous Galton's, but this should be quick.

Thanks for the response!