User:Tesla4ever/sandbox/Indu4ever

2021/04/20 00:18
The blogging about Indujaks starts now finally. The reason for this is, I can’t talk in my mind recursively forever with her and also, I’m missing so many beautiful thoughts about her.

[Note to self: Don’t sound too cheesy]

So why am I writing this?

> Indujaks is my good friend, a friend whom I can’t afford to lose.

> And lately, I’ve started liking her more than a friend

> What I can clearly say is I love her and she’s the only girl who’s troubled me a lot by staying in my head for a lot longer than I had expected.

I want to tell her that my feelings towards her are both friendship and love and I want both of the feelings to co-exist. But right now I’m kind of scared to talk about this to her because what she says she can’t love me or she doesn’t see me that way.

I’d be lucky even if that happens because some people when put into this scenario can cause mayhem and I don’t want her to do this and expect her to react wisely to choose friendship over love.

(Note: I’ve evaluated myself over a period of few years to check if this is just an infatuation and initially it looked like a typical teenage crush but as our friendship matured every day, the infatuation/crush kind of feelings got upgraded to true love instead)

Indujaks is the first person who comes to my mind soon as I wake up and she’s also the last one I think of daily.

To be honest, I’ve started making plans on how to settle in life with her just in case she agrees with my love.

But lately, I don’t know why I’m not able to focus on the goals that I’ve thought of, I think it's probably because she’s too much in my mind and that’s expected because she’s moving out to the US for her studies. And you know what, I still can’t accept the fact that she’s going away from me for the first time in 4 years and it scares me a bit because what if it becomes permanent. (God please don’t make this happen)

I think I should at least tell Riana about this because holding so many things is weighing too much and frying out my brain like a barbecue.

2021/04/20 00:50

Good morning Indujaks,

I hope you’ll call me today, so excited to talk to you after a long weekend.

(You know what I'm so excited to hear my ringtone when you call me, cuz, I’ve set a custom ringtone for your contact card, listen to it here)

You know what, there could be a chance of me telling you about my love today.

Let me explain to you how; if you call me today and I’ll surely ask you why you were not in the mood to talk on Friday night and I’m guessing your mom might have brought the topic of the marriage and if that’s correct, I’ll reply as “Don’t marry soon, actually, I need 14 days of your life because I’d like to love you” and then “blah blah blah” until it gets boring for both of us! (Lol)

2021/04/21 01:29
Okay Indujaks did not call me yesterday.

That’s okay, maybe I should respect her decision and give her some break.

If she calls me tomorrow, should I ask her why she chose not to call me for the past 3 days? I guess not, because that’s not the right way to do it. (Think smart boy!)

Suppose if she calls me I’ll start like this.

Finally, you chose to talk today, never-mind, right now, I’m really happy you called me. And I hope that you still don’t have that gloomy mood which you had some 3 days ago!.

I didn’t bother calling you because I wanted to give you some space and respect your decision.

Well, that’s over now, let’s not talk about it and let’s talk only about what makes us happy.

But if you wanna talk about something from the past 3 days I’d be happy to listen.

If she talks about it, I’d just nod yes/okay to it and I’ll try to not drag it unless the topic is about her mom irritating her on Friday night because that’s interesting to me and that could about the marriage.. Suppose if the reason was about marriage, then I’d tell her

I’d like to tell you not to marry soon and I want 14 days of your life, and if you ask me why I can’t answer you now because I don’t have the perfect answer to it. I can only answer you after a year.

Ask if there is anything more she’s to talk and if there’s nothing tell her,

Listen, let’s not drag the call and instead, disconnect now and if something interesting happens I’ll call you in the evening or I’ll just text you about it. And also, let’s not drag calls from the next time, we’ll only talk about what comes to your mind instantly without having to think and if a call makes you think what to talk about, then that’s a hint to cut the call, and if that happens let’s interrupt each other and cut the call.

2021/05/08 23:31
Resuming the journal after a couple of weeks. Had to focus on work so couldn't find a peaceful time to write about Indujaks but this doesn't mean I didn't think about her all these days, she's there in my mind 24/7 everyday.

Every moment that I experience she'll be a part of it and it doesn't matter if that moment is related to her or not. From the day I started loving her, I haven't had a moment more than 5 minutes without thinking about her with exceptions like playing and sleeping. Oh yeah! a lot of days she used to be even in my dreams. (Can't help not thinking about her)

A new update: Currently, I mean as of today, I feel she's kind of drifting away from me or I would rather put it as, she is spending more (remote) time with others than me. I'm not sure why, I was kind of upset and pissed with her so I called her yesterday and in the call initially I had an angry tone but couldn't maintain the anger throughout the call. Sometimes, I feel I'm a bit possessive about her but to be honest I only become possessive when she doesn't give me more time compared to what she gives others. It really sucks when your loved ones are giving more attention to others. (I don't expect attention from anyone else apart from my loved ones)

And yesterday, I spoke to Riana about this, well Riana thinks Indujaks would never love me back, not sure about the reason but that's her gut feeling it seems.

Well if someone's reading this is not aware of how I look, I'd like to describe you how I look in words.

First thing, I don't have great hair, well no hair in the next few years because I'm gonna clean shave it. And I've thick eyebrows, brown face, V-shaped jawline, a very very small dimple on my left cheek which is seen only when I laugh too much, average nose and lips. Didn't have dark circles until April 2021, staying away thinking Indujaks gave me a little bit of dark circles(they're gonna go away soon). That's my face overall.

And about the body, I've had very broad shoulders since my high school maybe because of too many sports. V-shaped waistline, moderately thin arms(I'm working on building them) and slightly visible abs(I'm working on these too).

The thighs and calves are built well so I guess they're pretty strong and my feet are 10 inch long so I'm good at running and would love to participate in marathons.

Oh yeah, the skin tone is brown and not so fair as Indujaks' face!