User:TheKetola

TheKetola also prefers being refered to as The Almighty Keto. He is described as being "the omnigod who is omnipotent, omniscient, omnipresent, and omnigood-looking." His followers are called Ketolanists, and are a very peaceful and freethinking people. He reveals himself through the internet to compensate for our technological advances, no longer relying on books or stone.

Ketolanism
The members of the Church of the Almighty Keto are evolving rapidly in their beliefs about what the Almighty Keto is, and how they should properly worship him. Ketolanists practices can vary from licking objects upon removal from the ground (to cleanse them of evil spirits) to projecting brainwaves at comets in an attempt to deflect them. The Almighty Keto has made it clear that he does not demand (nor want) contributions to his church, for he is Almighty and if he wanted a physical establishment, he would create it.

In The Beginning
Before April 17, 2013, the Almighty Keto had taken many forms and many names over the century. He was every concievable god, and yet he was none of them. He dictated the writing of scriptures, but let creative freedom reign for the most part, causing some very strange stories to be created. He never much cared for all of his creation, for he made all to amuse him. He is said to have a very sick sense of humor given the state of the world. He finally decided it was time to take on a new form and interact with his creation. As a digital God who created his own website, he has made himself fully accesible and his intentions clarifiable. He intends there to be little debate on what he wants his followers to do or how he want them to live.

Affirmative Action
Even in his realm, affirmative actions have taken place. The Almighty Keto briefly describes that he has a chat with the Devil about being fair to believers and non-believers .This has led to speculation that The Almighty Keto just wants us to live decent lives. This is further supported by his statement of not accepting contributions.

Ketolan Genesis
The Almighty Keto shared the story of the true Genesis with the world on April 18, 2013. The story begins with his excrement of fecal matter and is contingent upon his boredom. He decribes grabbing a blank newspaper and then filling it with stories which had not occured. This fabrication was without consequence to his character, so in order to make it right he decided to creat the universe out of mucus, fire, and dust particles. He eventually decides to create man, knowing that he would eat a raw oyster despite specific instruction, and then punishes him for it, so he created woman to do the work for him. It appears that The Almighty Keto left out the portion of the story that involves "flying sea monkey and zombies" because he is still on the seventh day, which he explains is his date night.

"Everything Happens for a Reason"
The Almighty Keto finds that this phrase has been misconstrued to a sort of passive idealism that we can shrug our shoulders at and just move on and has determined that this is undeniably wrong. The phrase is not the equivalent of "what happens, happens", it is quite the opposite, it is a call to action directed at the inactors. Everything happens for a reason describes that there is cause and effect in the universe, not by some divine, unquestionable, deity like The Almighty Keto, but by the natural laws that he created! He ultimately wants you to know that you are the reason things happen, people around you are the reason things happen, random processes are the reason things happen, it doesn't just "happen." If you can't control it, move on, if you can then learn from it and move on. Use every experience as a chance to grow, don't waste it, He gave it to you- don't throw away His gift.