User:The Rim of the Sky/sandbox/Zoolander 2

Draft for the plot of Zoolander 2.

A hooded figure, later revealed to be Justin Bieber, is being chased down the streets of Rome by two armed assassins on motorcycles. He manages to defeat one of them and runs toward Sting's villa, though is cornered and shot multiple times, sending out a final selfie on Instagram with his dying breath. At Fashion Interpol, Valentina Valencia (Penélope Cruz) examines the expressions of recently assassinated pop singers' last images, discovering them all to match one of Derek Zoolander's (Ben Stiller) trademark looks.

In a recap, it is revealed that two days after its construction, the "Derek Zoolander's Center For Kids Who Can't Read Good" collapsed into the Hudson River on October 5th, 2001, resulting in the death of Matilda Jeffries (Christine Taylor) and a career-ending injury for Hansel (Owen Wilson). In 2006, Zoolander loses custody of his child Derek Zoolander Jr. after a recording of him failing to make pasta is made public. In 2009, Zoolander announces his retirement from modeling, and that he will go on to live as a hermit "crab" under the name "Eric Toolander".

In present day, Zoolander now lives alone in "extreme northern" New Jersey. He is visited by Billy Zane and receives an invitation to the House of Atoz fashion show by Alexanya Atoz (Kristen Wiig), and is persuaded by Zane to return to a regular lifestyle in order to regain custody of his son, resulting in Zoolander heading to Rome. In the "uncharted Malibu territories", Hansel returns to his home after supper and is greeted by his orgy, who inform him that they are all pregnant, and that he is the father. He is later given an invitation by Zane, also to the House of Atoz, and travels to Rome. At the airport, he reunites with Zoolander, though blames him for the end of his career. After paparazzi capture photos of a fashion designer with Zoolander and Hansel in the background, they are tracked down by Valencia, who asks them to cooperate with Interpol in order to uncover who is behind the systematic assassination of pop singers.

Hansel and Zoolander are later guided to their hotel room by VIP (Fred Armisen), and Derek asks Hansel to remove his mask in order to see his injury. It is revealed to be a small scar on his cheek, and Hansel regains his self-esteem, choosing to no longer wear it. He asks Derek to use his "Magnum" look in order to stop a number of objects mid-air, though all their attempts end in failure. They later go to the fashion show held by House of Atoz, surprised to find that the ever-changing fashion world is now dominated by models such as Don Atari (Kyle Mooney) and All (Benedict Cumberbatch). The are outfitted and put on the runway in "Old" and "Lame" outfits, with a large bucket of prunes being spilled on them, though Alexanya congratulates them on their performance.

Rendezvousing with Valencia, Derek demands that Interpol track down his son, and they discover he is currently residing at an orphanage in Rome. After travelling to the orphanage, Zoolander is asked by his late wife's ghost to protect their son. They find him, though Derek is initially distraught of his son's obesity. Hansel convinces him to meet his son regardless, and they meet the Headmaster (Justin Theroux), who tells them that Derek Zoolander Jr. is intellectually gifted. Zoolander goes on a daytrip with his son around Rome, though he later becomes disgruntled with his father and takes a cab back to the orphanage. Hansel recieves an anonymous call, requesting that he travel to St. Peter's Basilica at midnight. He, Zoolander, and Valencia go to the church and meet with Sting, who tells them the tall of Adam and Eve, and the little-known Steve who many rockstars have died in order to protect the tale of. It is said that Steve is the common ancestor of all models, and that he and his closest descendant (being Zoolander's family) hold the bloodline of the Fountain of Youth.

Derek returns to the orphanage, only to find it in disrepair, with his son and the Headmaster gone. He travels to Jacobim Mugatu's (Will Ferrell) isolated prison, though his tricked into taking his place, with Mugatu escaping using a makeshift mask of Derek. He leaves on a helicopter with his assistant Todd (Nathan Lee Graham), though Hansel stows away by hiding on top of the aircraft's blades. Derek and Valencia manage to swim back to Rome, and Hansel infiltrates the House of Atoz. He witnesses Mugatu collaborate with Alexanya, and snap Don Atari's neck with his feet. Hansel finds Derek Zoolander Jr. imprisoned by Mugatu, and rendezvous with Zoolander and Valencia at the main House of Atoz fashion show. They enter a bathhouse through a back entrance, with Zoolander Jr. on a sacrificial table.

Mugatu and many of the world's fashion designers prepare to cut out Zoolander Jr's heart in order to consume his blood, believing it to grant them eternal youth as it contains the blood of Steve. Zoolander, Hansel, and Valencia arrive, preventing Mugatu from performing the ritual, though he reveals that the reason he truly brought together the world's fashion designers was to kill them, in order to exact revenge for leaving him in prison for 15 years. Alexanya, who is truly Katinka Ingabogovinanana (Milla Jovovich), attacks Valencia, giving Mugatu the oppurtunity to climb out of the bathhouse. As he escapes, he tells Zoolander that he was in charge of the destruction of his center by hiring the construction crew to build a faulty base, and throws an explosive down towards the lava. Zoolander manages to stop it with his "Fonte Della" look, though he struggles to keep it suspended in the air. Sting arrives, with the revelation he is Hansel's father, and he, Hansel, and Zoolander Jr. successfully hurl the explosive back at Mugatu, killing him. Zoolander Jr. forgives his father for his mother's death, with Zoolander and Valencia confessing their love for one another. Matilda Jeffries gives them her blessing, as well as saying that Mugatu recorded the event live reviving the models' careers, prompting Zoolander and Hansel to jump into the lava for a body facial.

Six months later, Zoolander and Hansel have returned to modeling, with the facial restoring their skin complexion and fixing Hansel's injury. Zoolander and Valencia now have a daughter, and Zoolander Jr. has becomes the world's most famous teen model, now in a relationship with Malala Yousafzai as a supercouple. Katinka and the Evil DJ are now imprisoned, along with the rest of the world's fashion leaders for attempted murder. Hansel returns to living with his orgy, now the father of 11 children, and is in a steady relationship with his estranged father.