User:The Wonky Gnome

The Wonky Gnome (born August 1 1714) is an esteemed Wikipedia user, renowned Enlightenment thinker, historian, politician, poet, milliner, cheesemonger, agricultural reformer, navigator, lexicographer, literary theorist and little-acknowledged inventor of the marine chronometer. He has gathered considerable interest through his advanced age, being almost 300 years old. He has attributed his survival to the salutary effects of accumulation of knowledge.

Early life
The Wonky Gnome, born Ignatius Woolsey, was born in Leadenhall Street, City of London, to a family of prominent cheesemongers, who were reputed to make "the best Cheshire cheese this side of the Pennines". Certainly their cheese had distinguished admirers, with luminaries such as Henry Purcell, Nahum Tate and Robert Spencer, 2nd Earl of Sunderland, being frequent visitors to their shop.

His parents had always expected him to go into the cheese business and this, in fact, is what he initially did. Having learned the ropes of curdling and turning cheese, he became something of a child prodigy. In fact, the popularity of his cheese exceeded that of his parents'. A typical comment comes from Samuel Richardson:


 * His Double Gloucester is truly worth a king's ransom.