User:The amazing andre

Andre Gervais(born March 1, 1991) is a self taught genius and entrepreneur. Andre started out as a very successful monkey trainer and evolved into a blackjack dealer/official Denny's guest greeter/Handlebar mustache grower/shark wrangler/comedian/chicken sandwich/traveling toilet paper salesman/children’s writer. His works as a writer include the infamous Hey, what’s your name children’s book series, Why is there brown in my diaper?, and Mommy's Nighttime Friends.

Early life
Andre was born on March 1, 1991 in the back of a motor home. It wasn’t immediately recognized that he was born since his parents were in the middle of a very intense blackjack tournament. Andre believes this might be why he was so into blackjack and became a dealer at the Indian Word Casino. Andre claims to be a self taught genius. At the age of two he was able to roll over. As he learned this new trick of transportation he rolled into a heater and gained second degree burns. At the age of three he taught himself how to speak. At the age of five he finally spoke his first words, sup dawg. This was in response to his father’s hello. Upon hearing his son speak for the first time, his response was Whoa cool! After speaking his first words Andre decided to train monkeys. This idea didn’t work long since Andre was five and most of the monkeys beat him. So he quit. On his seventh birthday Andre voiced his plans to become a shark wrangler like Steve Irwin. His parents were like Bitchin! Andre spent four years training to become a shark wrangler. In order to pay for his training and equipment he became an Official Denny's greeter and dressed like a chicken sandwich to advertise for the new sandwich at Dangerous Dave's Family Owned Delicatessen. Andre and everyone else lost their jobs at Dangerous Dave's two weeks later because it turns out that Dangerous Dave really was dangerous. After his training was complete Andre was told the news of Steve Irwin’s death. When he realized that he was going to shark wrangle and that Irwin was killed by a stingray he decided screw this. Two years later puberty hit Andre and he grew 12 inches. He also gained the ability to grow mustaches and decided he liked handlebar mustaches. So he grew them. Because of his amazing handlebar mustache he was accepted as a blackjack dealer at Indian Word Casino. He became the greatest blackjack dealer to ever live. But after two years of awesomeness at the casino he decided he needed to find himself. He believed the only way to do this was to become a traveling toilet paper salesman. His parents didn’t understand why but just decided whatever. Andre spent the next couple years as a traveling toilet paper salesman. While not gaining him much money because everyone just went to a store to buy toilet paper Andre says this idea greatly helped him to choose his next path in life. Andre decided to become a comedian. While having enough strange and funny stories to tell on stage Andre was not funny at all. He bombed every performance. It is believed this happened because he did every performance naked. Andre agrees this was not one of his greatest ideas. "I thought it might add more to the performance," says Andre. It didn’t.

The Present
Presently, Andre is one of the most successful children’s writers in the world. His works include the Hey, what’s your name series, a delightful series about a retarded boy who goes up to random people on the street and says Hey, what’s your name. He never learns their name. So far there are twelve books in the series. He has also written Why is their brown in my diaper? And Mommy's Nighttime Friends, a book about the many friends a little girls mom has. Andre currently lives in the Himalayas at a monastery called No Solicitors. He has become great friends with the monks that live there and has just recently taken them go-karting. Sadly, 12 of the 26 monks died when one monk, Bobo, crashed into the wall causing an explosion that took out the other eleven monks. "It is sad," says Andre, "but at least the others still had a good time."