User:The beautiful people's/sandbox

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,

I am I. Luminita, now I live at home with my mother, in Romania, and I want to talk to somebody,

''Address To THE GOOD PEOPLE!''

I am 5 years old, and I have some wishes...... important to me. I do not know if for most of my age children these are normal things, for me - these are wishes. I do not really know how to start, because:

- I'm a little embarrassed

- I'm afraid, because Daddy told me I am not allowed to say

- I do not trust anyone anymore, and I started to be afraid of all people

Because, for almost half my life, I've still been going on good people.......so they said they were........but they made me cry. And not only once. Many times.........So, I thought, maybe you can help me - 'the Real good people' (to understand). The good people make you cry? Do they separate you from those you love? The good people force you to do things you do not like? Do they tell you untrue things? Do you have to be afraid of the good people?

Because, the last time I was there, I was afraid. So much afraid! And I was upset with my mother too. Which I love most .......... because she is defending on me. All the time..... But now, I do not trust her anymore........because those people I was going last time with her - at that block, about which she told me they are people who protect children - were not good, as my mother said. They made me cry and forced me to stay with Daddy, they made me suffer hardly. That's why now, when Mama tells me to go somewhere, I do not want to go anymore, because I'm afraid. I'm afraid she's taking me back to those good people, who made me cry. I'm afraid, because, she is also the one who is taking me to Daddy. And I told my mother I did not want to go to Daddy. Doesn't she even understand me ??!

I'm afraid, I want to tell you - the real good people. Because I am just a little girl, 5 years old only, from a country I understood it is called Romania, baptized in the church (Christian religion). I'm afraid all these nightmares will not over. I'm afraid if I tell you that Daddy beats me, and I'm ashamed to say what else he does to me, I do not know what I'm going to happen, again. I'm afraid there's no one else to protect me.

..... because Daddy told me that my mother is about to leave me, and she will go with another I. Luminita, so, I'll have to stay with him and mommy. That's how he told me I have to call for the aunt who lives with him - mommy. Dad also told me there are many mothers and many I. Luminita, like a child may have many mama's. But I know this is not true. Mother is only one, and I. Luminita am still just one, because that's what I found out from the fairy tales, so I've seen in cartoons as well, and so did my teacher from school teach me. I do not know why everybody calls it kindergarten, I call it school. Because to the kindergarten dad came and took me out. He was not allowed to come to me at the kindergarten, and I did not want to go with him, but my teacher let him to take me out. Although, she knew my Daddy was not allowed to take me out. So, I don't want to go to the kindergarten anymore. I'm afraid that Daddy will take me out again. That's why I asked my mother to take me to school, because I like playing with the kids, singing, dancing, telling ... our little childish things.

You know, when I was little, a long time ago, I felt a great joy, because, suddenly at our home no one came to scream at me or to give me a snap on my butt in order to keep my mouth shut when I was crying, because I had stomach aches, like all the babies. There was peace, and so suddenly, the scary voice, which made me cry, had disappeared, little beatings the same. I started to eat more and also to make my first little steps........ it was getting better, day by day. I believe God has heard my fears and pains when I was in my cradle and the big voice was yelling at me.......... because there was no one to do that anymore........... for a while. I was so happy,  that I've got myself into a 'big' little girl (the fat little girl - my mother used to call me). It was so good .......

But, I do not know why, after a while, we - my mother and me - had to leave our dear home, my dear stuff, my favorite toys...... My mother told me we were going to stay with my grandparents and maybe I would like it. And that's how it was, I liked it a lot. I liked it because, besides the house they were living, my grandparents still have another house with a large yard, with puppies and chickens, with a beautiful swing and flowers, with big trees, around wich I started to play hide-and-seek. After a very short time, I began to cry again. It was not good anymore. Would you like me to tell you why? Because that scary voice came back again. My mother told me I had to play with him and let me stay alone with him in the room. Because that's what that voice told her (to my mother) to do, to leave. But I was running as fast as I could, with the tears roaring over my cheeks to look for my mother all over the house.

After a while, it was even worse,  please believe me. Sometimes, on days when I didn't have to go to school and wanted to sleep more, my mother did not let me sleep........ she woke me up in the morning, forced me to eat fast, she dressed me up and ........ sent me to stay with that voice that made me hurt. I started  to cry again, louder and louder, and all the time mostly, until my strength was gone and I was falling asleep. Falling asleep crying......... crying during my sleeping time........ waking up in the night crying, while looking for my lovely mother. Who did not scream at me once and who never beat me, my sweet lovely mother. These nightmares have begun to be more and more. The scary voice came to us at home, and started to pull me out my mother's arms by force.........pushing me into a black car and locked the doors........to not be able to go back my mother. He did not even let me kiss her..........I was kicking my little hands in the window's car and yelling, and prayed hard to leave me at least once, but ... he never heard me ....... Instead, I was strying to look at my mother by keeping my head back on the window until I couldn't see her anymore...... And the scary voice began to keep yelling on me to keep my mouth shut, again and again.

Since I was little, I remember he started to introduce me to that aunt, whom I must call it Mommy. He also said I would better be good, because she is going to be my new mommy. And I'll have to live with Daddy (voice says so fierce that his name) and that mommy. A very naughty mother with yellow big hair and long nails that leave me some red stripes on the skin that crashes me every time I'm not good.

I'd like to know, maybe you'll tell me: Why do I have to say Mommy to an aunt who treates me badly? Is that the way a mother must behave? Why do I have to say mommy to an aunt who beats me? Why am I supposed to say mommy to an aunt who I know is not my mother? I do not understand anything ..... What is the truth?

One day, when it was almost night and I was still small, I was walking outside with my mother, and I remember that..... she suddenly sat down on her knees and asked me to never forget how much she loves me....... Her tears flowed hard whens she held me in her arms so, she could barely talk. She told me that she does not want to go anywhere.........never..... and, if one day I cannot see her anymore, she wants me to know that she will never stop loving me or thinking of me.......that she will love me for all her life, with all the power she has. I jumped in her arms, and I said: "Mama, don't you cry. God, is watching us!"

After some time, at the beginning of this summer, I believe someone has heard my praying one more time. Because, it became quiet, again, around me.......... the scary voice disappeared and ...........everything started to be beautiful....... I remember walking one day with my mother, my grandmother and a good lady, by our car, not too far from our house. We reached to a beautiful building for me, because it was green - my favorite color, and because I really think only good people were around me there. Do you know why? Because, besides my mother, grandmother and the good lady that I came with, I talked there with other people. Some of them wore a long black dress, although they were men, others dressed in blue, but with pants and a cap on their heads. And since then, the 'bad wolf' has not come to me anymore, he was not allowed to take me with him again.

But, I think this very beautiful time for me, is almost over. Because my mother tells me I'm gonna have to go back to my Dad. '''I DO NOT WANT! I DO NOT WANT DADDY TO COME TO ME, EVER!!! NO NO NO NO NO !!!'''

I thought to ask my mother to paint my hair and call me Mariana or Andreea, because that so, dad will not be able to take me anymore ... he wants I. Luminita, not Mariana. I do not want to go anywhere out of my home anymore.

Because the "bad wolf" hurt me deeply, I started to beg my mother to defend me, anyways she can. And so........from time to time....... we had to run. Like the little kids do, when they do something wrong. Only that...................... we did nothing wrong. I do not want to run away anymore, not fear running. I want to stay in our home, with my dear grandmother and .........all my friends and.........all the things I love to.

I feel my mother cannot protect me anymore. My mother is the only person who defends on me, and I think she's a little tired. Actually, I am tired too. Tired of so many meetings and questions, and so on....... that never ends :( ......... So I thought, to ask God, to send me some real good people, to help us.

I know I am just a little voice in a big big world........ but PLEASE, help me to have a normal and peaceful childhood! I just want a quiet life with my mother. I do not want any one day with fear. With the fear that Dad will beat me again, or he will do me something.......... Afraid we will have to run again. With the fear that my mother will "go away" because Daddy says that. Help us please have 'a life'!

These are......my wishes. This is all I want!

PS: I have one more thing to tell you. I suffer! Deeply. Please, forgive me if my letter made you sad.

''To all the real good people from all over the world,

"I. Luminita "

Thank you!''