User:Thebride88/sandbox

Penelope DeMornay Cruz - (Born: UNKNOWN) is an American-born female, whose birthplace and birth-date are unknown. Popular estimates conclude she is somewhere between 32-51 years of age. She is most well-known for her love of Snoopy, her devotion to the pop boy-band, Savage Garden, having the worlds mousiest color hair, and maintaining her social media Instagram account, @penelopedcruz.

While the origin, date and official legal documents of Penelope's birth remains unknown, her mother is Eugenia Cruz. Penelope's birth father remains a mystery, but she was told by Eugenia over the years that her father was several different men, including Alan Young from Mr. Ed fame, actor Sherman Hemsley, Presidential hopeful Michael Dukakis, comedian Andrew Dice Clay and most recently, singer k.d. lang. Eugenia is rumored to have given birth to Penelope during a Bay City Rollers concert. It is unknown whether this was an original tour performance, or a comeback concert. During these early years, Penelope would begin to eat what would quickly become one of her favorite meals; chicken fingers, creamed corn and Kool Aid brand powder mix. Eugenia would occasionally include dried stuffing mix into the creamed corn, a rare treat Penelope still enjoys to this day. Eugenia was also given memorable staples of Penelope's wardrobe: four beige off-brand collared shirts, denim Bermuda shorts, purple Stride Right sandals, a neon green windbreaker, and an oversized golf umbrella from the now defunct trading company, E.F. Hutton. Eugenia remembers Penelope as a pleasant, silent and stone-faced child, despite Penelope's insistence that she had, "a infinity number of best friends, even teacher and lunch aide friends, who got invited to ice cream sandwich and horse parties" and was "so happy I made TV stars jealous of me {sic: Penelope}."
 * Early life and beginnings

While this time period cannot be confirmed or validated by either Penelope or Eugenia, it is during this time Penelope credits as "life changing in terms of what I always like," and her favorites include the aforementioned pop boy-band, Savage Garden, long time "Man Crush Monday and all dayz" actor and environmental activist, Ed Begley, Jr., eating chicken fingers and ramen noodles in restrooms, attending religious services of unknown denominations, going to Friendly's chain restaurants, and selling beef-bullion flavored water to her neighbors in Hidden Valley Ranch.
 * A Lost Adolescence and Adulthood

Conflicting reports from Penelope and Eugenia on the matter of Halloween still plague fans to this day. Penelope has insisted that while she asks to dress-up in a "sexy people outfit" for Halloween each year, Eugenia forces her dress as Snoopy. Additionally, Eugenia makes her dress in the exact same Snoopy costume year after year without washing it. While Eugenia refutes these allegations, they are likely true as employees at Sunoco, Subway and La-Z Boy stores confirm seeing Penelope in an adult Snoopy costume with, "{expletive-expletive} old, {expletive} candy stuck to her like an old person's afghan."
 * Snoopy and the Halloween Costume Controversy

Penelope's, "bffdge" was her blind and deaf (origins of afflictions unknown) beagle dog, Crunchy, who passed away sometime in the last four years. According eye-witness reports from neighbors at Hidden Valley Ranch, Crunchy was last seen struggling down Board Street with Penelope saddled to his back. They insist Penelope has done this numerous time without incident, and do not believe this had anything to do with his untimely demise. Penelope also claims her two "best freinds" are http://websta.me/p/699464226759643717_1146616667 and Jennifer {correction: Carol} Lovullo whom she met through work. Eugenia remains vigilant the she and her Pastor are Penelope's only friends.
 * Friends?

Penelope does not resurface in any state, school or government registrar until October 2011, where she is listed as currently residing with her mother at the Hidden Valley Ranch 65+ Community in Norristown, Pennsylvania. She also claims to work at a temp agency that regularly employs her part-time at various office locations. It is not known whether Penelope was employed during the economic downturn of 2007, and if being so had a substantial effect.
 * October 2011- Present