User:Theironmojo

Christopher Columbus was a man who worked in an Iron Basket club. In modern days, this would be called a "girl scout club" however due to his gender difficulties, he had some serious emotional issues. I was severely racist and this trait was amplified when he made the long voyage.

Most people know Columbus by the phrase "Columbus sailed the ocean blue in 1492." However, this is simply not true. The origin of this phrase is still unknown and is studied by physicists around the globe. Contrary to popular belief, Christopher Columbus did not have a ship in which he "sailed the ocean blue." In fact, he rode a series of Chocabos from one country to another traveling through Europe, into Russia, accross the Berring Straight, finally into America.

He did not greet the Native Americans peacefully. He brought numerous cows with him which he trained to attack on demand. In this very fashion, Columbus succesfully took over the entire Eastern USA and became the first president.

He was the founder of Starbucks and Playboy when back then, Starbucks used goats milk and Playboy consisted of his cows wearing wigs. This was the origin of America. Most historians are ashamed of this and decided to not mention any of it in history books. THey instead fabricated a story about Columbus sailing across the ocean.

Most people do not know that Christopher Columbus was the only man in the history of time to reproduce asexually. This only happened once. He soon joined a circus and began selling his body for money. When all of his cows died, he commited suicide.

That is the truth of all that is known about Christopher Columbus and the origin of America.