User:Thekeith10/The Running Man (1987 film)/JoJo-74r68h Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

-Thekeith10


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Thekeith10/The_Running_Man_%281987_film%29?veaction=edit&preload=Template%3ADashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * The Running Man (1987 film)
 * The Running Man (1987 film)

Evaluate the drafted changes
Note***Underline & bold words indicate edits

Hypothetical Article With Changes:

 * (Initially) Running Man was about an unemployed man who goes on a violent game show for a thirty-day period to feed his family.  Arnold Schwarzenegger replaced Christopher Reeve soon after. With the changing of cast, the protagonist became a condemned, but innocent, criminal forced onto a three-hour gladiator-style game show by the justice system. Weekly stated that the film's tone changed from a dark allegory to a humorous action film with the change of the film's star. (citation)  With Reeve, fifteen drafts were written of the script over the course of the film's development. (citation) The film's release was postponed from summer 1987 until Thanksgiving due to the producers desire for the film to be the only action thriller released during the holiday season (citation).

The film opened on 1600 screens on November 13, 1987 to positive reviews. (citation)

Rationale For Changes:


 * In terms of flow, the original first sentence feels like it jumps in too early, so move that overview sentence you made to the front.  Then I added the word “initially” to smooth it out to make it sound more natural.
 * The next sentence I felt needed to be changed:
 * “With Schwarzenegger, however, the protagonist became a condemned, but innocent, criminal forced onto a three-hour gladiator-style game show by the justice system”
 * I added:  “With changing of the cast...” because I thought it wasn't clear enough to know the reasoning for the change in movie storyline.

Other Misc. Changes

“With Reeve,  Screenwriter write fifteen drafts were written of the script over the course of the film's development.”


 * I think this sentence can be improved by either adding the name of the screenwriter or cutting the screen writer completely.  However, I suspect regardless of either choice, probably requires a citation unfortunately.  Personally, I feel cutting is better.  Cutting the screen writer might look something like this:
 * “With Reeve,  fifteen drafts were written of the script over the course of the film's development”

Final-thoughts/ Notes:

Overall an alright rough draft, Good impartiality & tone, however I do think some things need some adjustments.

I also think your article can be combined with the original article’s Production section. Much of your content seems like its new content.

I put the word citation at the end of specific sentences because they sounded like specific facts. But I do get it though, this is a rough draft.

I included a hypothetical mockup of what it might look like, but at the end of the day it's your article. Take the mockup, and change/ alter/ improve upon etc. on it.

I think the last sentence could go under the Release category,  it feels too far from a production fact.