User:Therussiandog

"A hippie is someone who looks like Tarzan, walks like Jane and smells like Cheetah."

"Ninety percent of the game is half mental."

"The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his."

"There is no problem that cannot be solved by the use of high explosives"

"Anything worth fighting for is worth fighting dirty for"

HELLO …? IS THAT THE BRITISH ARMY?

“Thank you for calling the British Army. I am sorry but all our units are out at the moment, or are otherwise engaged. Please leave a message with your country of origin, name of organisation, the region, the specific crisis and a number to call you.”

“As soon as we have sorted out the Balkans, Northern Ireland, The Firemen, Iraq 2, marching up and down bits of tarmac in London and equal opportunities training, we will return your call.”

“Please speak after the tone, or if you require more options, please listen to the following.”

“If your crisis is small and close to the sea, press 1 for the Royal Marines.”

“If your problem is distant, with a tropical climate and good hotels, and can be solved by a few low risk – low level bombing runs, press # for the Royal Air Force. – Please note this service is not available after 16:30 or at weekends.”

“If your enquiry concerns a situation that can be resolved by a bit of grey funnel, bunting, flag waving and a really good marching band, please write WELL in advance to the First Sea Lord, The Admiralty, London.”

“If your enquiry is not urgent. Press 2 for the Allied Rapid Reaction Corps.”

“If you are interested in joining the Army and wish to be shouted at, paid little, have premature arthritis, train to be a fire-fighter, execute regime changes in hot places, put your wife and family in a condemned hut miles from civilisation, and be prepared to work your arse off daily with leave being cancelled at short notice, whilst watching the treasury erode your original conditions of service and career – your call will be connected to a bitter, passed-over recruiting Sergeant in a grotty shop out of town.”

“Thank you for calling the British Army!”

Rules of a Gunfight

Avoid them like the plague Be aware of what is going on around you by staying in condition yellow. Have a plan or two. (If not, a "Last Will & Testament will do.) Corollary: No plan survives contact with the enemy. Bring at least one gun (don't bring a knife). Bring the biggest gun you can handle. Bring friends (as friendly witnesses or fire support).* Let close air support or artillery soften-up the target for you. Make use of available cover. Remember the difference between concealment and cover. Don't get shot (Use cover to your advantage). Place your shots well. Pay attention to where your shots fall. "Speed's fine, but accuracy is final." Don't miss. (You can't miss fast enough to win.) Never assume your opponent is out of ammo. Bring lots of ammo. In combat, you will be scared. You will have a tendency to shoot high. Be aware of this and aim low.