User:Theuniversal/Battle of Four

The First and Second Battles of Four were the last battles of the 14th War of Dan. They are often referred to in conjunction as simply the Battle of Four, though this is technically erroneous. The battle led to a necessary cease-fire between Pro-dan and Anti-dan forces. It also signified the end of an era as the Tower of Four lay in shambles following the second battle.

Momentum
The Anti-dan Alliance was in better-than-average shape following the Battle of Danroolius. The town of Dykfeat had been partially leveled, but most of its citizens lived and began rebuilding immediately. In addition, the battle cost Pro-dan two high-ranking officials, Jeremy Danugh and Trudanaluv, while Anti-dan suffered no major losses. In the ensuing months, Anti-dan troops headed mostly by Gary Feetburg trampled a number of Pro-dan outposts in the mountainous region north of the Tower of Four. Nothing larger than a skirmish ever broke out, even far to the east where Carlos von Dick and Ismeal Danugh found themselves stationed. Meanwhile, Charles Deefok and Carl Dohg had been assigned to outposts west and east of Dykfeat in fear that Pro-dan could retaliate at any point in time.

As it turned out, that was not far from the truth. For several weeks at one time Pro-dan began to send small squads of ranged attackers to harass Dohg and Deefok's outposts. Utilizing guerrilla tactics, Pro-dan was able to avoid serious losses, though they did not inflict much damage themselves. Slowly, it became more and more apparent to Benjamin Deefok that something more cunning was at hand than mindless harassment. Some time later he ordered Dohg and Deefok's forces to move back closer to Dykfeat, at which point the attacks immediately ceased. Puzzled yet relieved, Anti-dan resumed its normal routine.

Warning
Suddenly, utter havoc broke loose in the form of natural disasters. A dark, violent thunderstorm from the south washed over Dykfeat, disrupting much of its reconstruction and causing some flooding. The slow-moving storm hung over Dykfeat for nearly a full 24 hours before sailing east and effectively washing away Charles Deefok's outpost. His forces were forced to evacuate and seek refuge in Dykfeat as the storm continued east and eventually dissipated. Deefok began to move his forces to rebuild the outpost.

Having passed the storm off as merely bad luck, Anti-dan was further caught off-guard when an earthquake erupted below Dykfeat. The epicenter hung directly below the town square and opened a gigantic crevice below the statue of Jimmy LeSauce that swallowed it whole. The quake knocked many unfinished structures down while killing several of Dykfeat's citizens mostly located in the town center. The earthquake lasted only about an hour, but Ben Deefok smelled foul play and ordered Dohg and Deefok's forces back to the tower, as well as a complete evacuation of Dykfeat.

=First Battle of Four= In the ensuing week, less severe storms and shakes plagued Dykfeat, which now stood barren of life. One thing stayed constant; black skies constantly hung over the town and gradually spread north through the countryside. Deefok, realizing something was very wrong, sent a messenger with an escort east to alert von Dick and Danugh. Soon, reports came in saying unidentified military forces had been spotted in the outskirts of Azhulia. The pieces of the puzzled seemed to be coming together when a bloodied, limping soldier came bearing news that Feetburg's forces had been routed by a surprise Pro-dan attack in the mountains.

Fearing for the life of his longtime friend, Deefok immediately dispatched a combat-ready medical team to locate the remainder of Feetburg's forces and bring them back to the tower. Before having time to think, however, an enormous Pro-dan brigade torched Dykfeat, riding through at breakneck speed. Luckily for Anti-dan, the earthquakes had caused enough terrain damage to provide at least some hindrance to Pro-dan. Deefok put the Tower of Four and its surrounding camps on red alert and made as many defensive precautions as necessary as the forces of Dan inched closer and closer every second.

Miraculously, Feetburg and several of his squads made it back to the tower alive, though they did suffer a number of casualties. Dohg and Charles Deefok both took battle stations as Feetburg's attackers moved quickly to attack the relatively exposed northern portion of the Tower of Four. Anti-dan was able to keep the attack at bay; nonetheless, a much bigger problem was looming as scouts reported fast movement amongst the Pro-dan forces. The tower's forces prayed that von Dick and Danugh would return soon.

"Brown flames"
Less than two days later, the Pro-dan brigade arrived at the Tower of Four. When they came into view, all was silent as their forces seemingly stood still. The rolling plains were filled with distant, small figures as one solitary soldier stepped out in front of the rest and proclaimed: With all His might, we wade these waters Blackened skies reveal His plan Marching swiftly, victory comes Make way for cool, make way for Dan! Briefly stunned by the soldier's amplified words, Anti-dan watched in horror as the Pro-dan forces parted straight down the center. Through the opened path of trampled plains and fresh feces came a grotesque figure that turned out to be none other than Dan himself, carried on a luxurious, high platform by many of his servants. Many could not help but look away as Dan shoveled his fist into buckets of pure, unfiltered feces and planted them firmly in his gullet. Soon, Deefok tired of Dan's treachery. He ordered a message to be relayed to the Lars Society, then commanded all of Anti-dan to open fire.

Not missing a beat, Dan maneuvered his soldiers defenseively, moving in a cone-like shape closer and closer to the Tower of Four. As he approached closer to the tower's surrounding camps, their inhabitants began to open fire on Dan's forces, when suddenly the formation broke and began to swarm chaotically around the tower. Using this to their advantage, Anti-dan artillery began to launch superheated boulders into masses of Pro-dan troops. This proved effective initially, but soon, fallen Pro-dan soldiers caught fire and began to emit a thick, brown smoke that clouded the tower's line of sight and spread a horrible scent throughout the battlefield. As the smoke started to clear it seemed as if the Pro-dan soldiers were actually feeding on their own acrid gas, instilling vigor and driving them to push forward.

Carnage
Unwilling to yield his forces to the surge of Pro-dan troops, Deefok stood his ground in the tower. Unfortunately, this led to the fall of most nearby Anti-dan satellite posts, most of them falling within an hour. Feetburg stormed into Deefok's office as the revered Anti-dan commander sat and contemplated his next move. Feetburg only stood before him because he had refused to take the extensive medical treatment he needed, insisting he be allowed to take a strike force down to the surface to deal with Dan himself. Deefok curtly refused, stating that action would be taken when needed, with Anti-dan at a disadvantage until the bulk of their forces returned.

Deefok's words barely had time to reverberate throughout the chamber as a wave of soldiers came tumbling down the eastern hills towards the Tower of Four: The helm's slit glowed a deep crimson, Pulsing with the hatred of a thousand generations of Anti-dan, He wore reddened armaments that saw incalculable bloodshed, Perched on an equally-armored steed that knew only cries of death, There was no fear, no remorse, no forebearance, Not even in the eyes of his trusty companion Bob, Who held himself clamped tightly to cold, rigid steel. Amazingly, the Anti-dan charge could not keep up with the blinding speed and ferocity of its leader, Carlos von Dick. Onlookers said they had not seen such relentless brutality in their lives; survivors from the Dohgonian Front could not even begin to compare what they had been through to the deep haze of violence that was erupting. Before anyone had time to react, von Dick had already quartered a mass of Pro-dan troops who could barely avoid his lumbering blades, if at all. Dan foolishly ordered his troops to block the way at all costs; Pro-dan soldiers were simply knocked back by von Dick's superior momentum. All too late he realized that the only course of action was to avoid von Dick altogether, but Anti-dan had already begun to take advantage of the situation.

Von Dick closed in quickly on Dan's location, mounted his axe sideways, then drew a fantastic, elongated crowbar that ran straight through Pro-dan soldiers in a line. The weight dragged down the slowing von Dick, who came to a stop twenty meters from Dan's mobile throne. Dan then simply laughed, taunting von Dick, who he now had trapped in an enclosing throng of poop-stained soldiers. It was then that von Dick effectively ended the battle by threatening to murder Dan no matter what cost to himself. It was never fully realized whether von Dick was merely bluffing, but it worked in either case as Dan promptly called off the attack, scattering his forces across the hills and mountainsides. Anti-dan heaved a long sigh of relief, victorious in staving off the forces of Dan, at least for one more day.

=Second Battle of Four= Though Dan had run from battle with his tail between his legs, Anti-dan correctly assumed Dan would soon be back for more. With von Dick and Danugh back at the tower, Anti-dan had at least a sense of security. One quiet week later, the fruition of more than a half-century of work came forth. What appeared to be a full-scale assault on behalf of Dan turned out to be illusionary as the real plot unfolded before the very eyes of Ben Deefok and Anti-dan. Years and years of gained and lost ground became meaningless in one solitary moment.

It first came in the form of feces; loads of feces, cascading feces, both solid and liquid, filled the air with a toxic odor and purely evil brown. Roots of the indigenous but until-then dormant Shitstalk tore through Anti-dan soil with such unwavering force that it turned stone to powder, steel to iron and carbon, and any unlucky soul that happened to take one wrong step back to the earth from whence they came. They ripped not only through the plains and mountainsides but from beneath the Tower of Four, causing it to rumble with unstifled severity. The people of Anti-dan were thrown from windows and balconies, and did not need to be told to move towards the center of the tower, the foundation of which seemed to be crumbling before their very eyes.

Ashes to ashes
With no method whatsoever to combat the ever-rising Shitstalk vines, Anti-dan began the slow and dangerous process of evacuating the Tower of Four. Deefok realized that this was his only course of action, despite the region itself providing basically no safety in and of itself as well. Men, women, and children alike found their own ways down the tower, be it by the central stairwell, any of the main staircases or fire escapes, or even unorthodox methods - dumbwaiters, trash chutes, or even scaling the outer walls of the tower. After some time, the citizens and military of Anti-dan began to make way to the exits at the base of the tower and simply ran in whatever direction they saw fit. Fires inevitably had started, giving the immense Tower of Four an oddly peaceful orange glow along its outer rim.

As predicted, the Pro-dan regiments from one week prior made their return soon after, easily wiping out stray Anti-dan where they stood, taking no prisoners. Unable to run, the tower's inhabitants were corralled north, where there were surprisingly little roots or soldiers to avoid. Though not yet ready to lay down and die, Anti-dan forces generally avoided combat, instead focusing on a hasty retreat, knowing the battle to be a lost cause. Ismeal Danugh, the only man commanding a company sizeable enough to accomplish anything, held defensive positions lined along the northern exit to the tower. His decisive tactics allowed his comrades a safe path for the time being, but could not limit any further damage as stone fragments fell like meteors from the top and sides of the tower.

Once the tower had been mostly evacuated, the higher-ranking Anti-dan officials began to exit as well. Dohg, von Dick, and Charles Deefok had been hauling the wounded or incapacitated out in wheelbarrows, loading them into caravans waiting just outside. Ben Deefok, on the other hand, made his way to the upper magic sanctum of the tower to seal off or destroy the powerful magics that had been kept secret there for years. Wasting no time, he soon finished and hurried down the tower, having to expend his magical powers to avoid being crushed or cut off by falling debris. When he finally made it to the ground level, Charles and the others heaved a sigh of relief, then made their way to the exit. Benjamin froze as his comrades pleaded with him to abandon the tower, but there was one more task to be done - the recovery of the Perillon Jasper.

The final battle?
Already spent, Deefok made haste through the underground halls and stairwells of the Tower of Four. A repulsive miasma hung low in his path, which also bore remnants of Shitstalk and fecal matter that seeped through the broken walls and ceiling. Fifteen flights of stairs later, he stood at the glowing, massive door to the chamber holding the jasper. It had suffered no damage from the roots, which curled around the door but did not touch it. Deefok drew a ritual marking on the ground, then chanted some words and the magic field around the door dissipated. Pushing it open with all his might, he was relieved to see the jasper untouched across the room and immediately stuffed the gem safely in an small, enchanted bag. Suddenly, the door to the chamber shut with a great force and the room turned a piercing red-brown color.

Dan did not wait long to show himself, his disgusting figure standing sheepishly by the door. Deefok did not waste time talking, instead speaking with his magic, firing fireballs one after another. Dan seemed unphased, merely taking the brunt of the force with his fat, where the nerves had long died out. He retaliated with power unforeseen by any Anti-dan diviner, affecting every one of Ben's senses from smell to taste. Ben began to thrash wildly, sending magic bolts and surges in every direction, deflecting Dan's own magic, but doing no real damage. Dan continued casting his evil magics, not tiring at all. It became apparent that Ben, who had entered the fight already exhausted, would not be able to win by traditional means, and instead dropped his pants and began to defecate furiously.

Ben was risking serious damage to his asshole, but the plan worked as Dan found himself unable to resist the alluring scent of Ben's magically-charged feces. Ben did not wipe and wasted not a moment in opening fire on the distracted Dan. He focused a gigantic beam of pure energy on Dan's face, toppling him, then moved the beam south. The beam bore into Dan's asshole, the center of his power, as he writhed in agony. Suddenly, his asshole exploded violently, spraying blood and liquid poop that would have shot thirty feet had the room been bigger. Ben then let up, and Dan rolled over and stood up, veins protruding from his neck and forehead as he continued to let out blood-curdling screams. Dan lost his composure completely and fired supercharged magic bolts in every direction. Completely spent, Ben could only shield himself in the corner helplessly.

Dan eventually wore down and fell prone, but the room was collapsing quickly, and Ben had not the energy to make it back to the surface. It is not quite known what happened exactly, but Ben claimed to have been picked up by a shadowy figure before blacking out entirely. When he awoke hours later, he found himself safely in the care of Anti-dan's medical practitioners and a smiling Charles Deefok. Charles recounted the quick exit of a dark figure who brought Ben's limp body to the waiting caravan and the parting of ways between the two sides as Anti-dan continued its retreat north, further into the mainlands of Azhulia. Ben was in critical condition, but well enough as the battle came to a close.

Pro-dan and Anti-dan, with its respective leaders incapacitated and one possibly dead, immediately called a cease-fire, effectively ending the 14th War of Dan. In the next few months, the tower's survivors found refuge in the heart of the Azhulian Kingdom, despite the wishes of Prince Jerry Azhul V to steer clear of Anti-dan affairs. The remains of Dykfeat and the Tower of Four lay still, but none dared return and no attempt was made to salvage what was left. When Anti-dan had recovered considerably from its losses, they began to migrate to the less problematic, nearly-complete Tower of Five in northern Dohgonia. Anti-dan's main faction was able to rebuild in the next four years, which were fairly uneventful, until Pro-dan forces began to stir seemingly without Dan's direction in the marshlands south of Azhulia.