User:Tim mehigan/sandbox

Tim Mehigan
Tim Mehigan (pronounced Tim Me -again, Tim Mohican, Tim Mexican) is director, chief rifleman and chicken of the Satyananda Yoga Centre near Gosford in New South Wales.

Satyananda Yoga is known for its adoption of selective yogic principles, whereby principles of other yoga disciplines have have been joined together to form a holistic practice. Mehigan has been instrumental in adding copious meat-eating and beer-drinking to the yogic agenda, which have been scientifically proven to have meditative and regenerational attributes, highly compatible with the Sanyasin, guru, and spiritual lifestyles that Hinduism espouses. Because of Mehigan's superior soul-enhancing philosophy of life, Satyananda adherents have elevated him to level of Mega-Rishi, which enables him to exchange his qualifications, without further spiritual development, for any leadership role within the expanding ashram and meditation centre network.

Mehigan has said of his role, "I have nothing to apologise for" which followers and other (oc)cult members claim really means that Mehigan has special access to government gun licensing laws that enable him to threaten whomever, whenever he pleases. The Satyananda movement has taken up Mehigan's philosophy with great abandon, and they are thinking of opening an abattoir so that stressed Sydneysiders may go for a weekend retreat to throw themselves into this new aspect of the discipline.

All aspects of being an orange person have also been integrated into the new practice, so that Ulstermen parading as Catholics, orange growers, people from Orange, NSW, the Dutch as well as traditional adherents of yoga all fall under one inclusive umbrella. As Mehigan likes to be taken seriously in all of his roles, he has adopted a Mohican headdress, phonetically aligned with his prestigious family name, while rolling chimichangas in the kitchen. This is an example of lead-by-example, which Mehigan's personal philosophy has always espoused.

Mehigan was previously a well-respected academic with an international reputation, and has advanced the cause of high wages for academics, his advocacy leading to the latest OECD's report on University wages, with Australian universities leading the world on the salary league table. As Mehigan has been known to promote the slogan "U will pay for this", it is hoped that wages for yogis will follow suit with the increase in consumption of cows, a feature of the new Satyananda programme with which Hindu sages are particularly impressed.

Mehigan was born in Taree, New South Wales where he avoided bullying by taking up running and doing well enough to impress the bullies. This enabled him to learn bully tactics without punishment, meaning that in later life he would be able to translate physical bullying into a form of psychic bullying and mind control, a process colloquially known in the English-speaking world as "Timming". Germans have translated this as "Der Stimming" and like to sing as much as possible, integrating the Timming practice as much as possible into daily activity.

The author Tariq Ali once argued that Kim Jung-Il could be gotten rid of with a $5 million dollar sweetener, and it is believed that Mehigan's lucrative University career, akin to the wages of a chief judge are simply not enough and Mehigan is hoping that his hero Terry Eagleton, will come to a similar conclusion, thereby convincing the Satyananda Centre to pay him royally for his development of their movement.

Constipatory situations aside, the general populace is so impressed by his charismatic, svengali-like attitude, they have petitioned to award him an Order of Australia. As one of Australia's leading Tim's he utilises the facilities of the US funded, Brisbane-based company / NGO, Hatch, in its testing of a new weapon of mass destruction, the full body grid-lock. This new technology locks a 3-dimensional image of a human body onto a video image of a human being, so that the computerised grid can follow the body's movements with 100% accuracy, enabling the owner of the technology to assassinate the target with pinpoint accuracy. Mehigan hopes to be remembered for his participation in the development of this technology as part of his yogic practice. The thousands-year old practice called "Tantric assassination" has at its core pinpoint accuracy, and sits perfectly alongside the assassination of Lord Mountbatten in his dinghy, the picking of oranges (known for the stress it places on digital activity), the logistical nightmare of traffic light control in the town of Orange and the Dutch tendency to put mayonnaise on their fries. The latter beautifully illustrates the conjunction of the the colour white, the preliminary, but intra-level spiritual colour and the town of Mayo, which Mehigan likes to say his family hails from when he's pretending to be a Catholic.

The highest level of spiritual practice, attained by waving a gun around, is aligned in post-structuralist theory with the Lacanian concept of the penis. Lacan is famously difficult to understand, which Mehigan uses as a justification for his behaviour. To put it simply, the theory of bullet projectile patterns superimposed upon ejaculative sperm, generates a system of never-ending nows, which contradicts the theory of there being no such thing as now. This allows Mehigan to pretend he is both a Germanist and a leading exponent of carnivorous yoga at the same time.