User:Tkmndd/Caterina Sforza/Can7f5 Peer Review

General info
(kmd43p)
 * Whose work are you reviewing?


 * Link to draft you're reviewing:User:Kmd43p/Caterina Sforza - Wikipedia
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists):Caterina Sforza - Wikipedia

Evaluate the drafted changes
This paragraph is definitely relevant to the topic, which is always a good sign. A lot of the time in this paragraph, you say "as mentioned above, or as referenced above." This makes it feel a little bit repetitive, and it may be beneficial to just add these parts of your paragraph straight into the original paragraph.

Comma after Quintessence

The sources you chose are great, just try and include some more (of course I'm sure you are going to given more time)

In general, your paragraph just feels really similar to the original one. In your second sentence, you talk about how her alchemy manuscript includes cosmetic, chemical, and medical work. The topic sentence of the original paragraph says she had a thirst of knowledge in alchemy, cosmetics, and medicine. I would either expand on the original paragraph and insert your knowledge that way, or maybe restructure your paragraph just a little bit.

When looking at the article, there isn't a lot of eye candy to look at. I think that finding a good picture of Caterina making cosmetics or something could add a lot of value to this section of the article. People are more likely to read sections that have pictures to go along with them.

Other than that, the paragraph looks great! Just make sure that it doesnt feel like you are reading the same thing as you did in the first paragraph.