User:Tmm4400/Kemron/Lolanallie123 Peer Review

Peer review
This is where you will complete your peer review exercise. Please use the following template to fill out your review.

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing? (provide username) Tmm4400
 * Link to draft you're reviewing: User:Tmm4400/sandbox

Lead evaluation
The initial paragraph is good, but you could maybe specify the word "scientist".

The second paragraph could probably go under the Kemron heading.

Content evaluation

 * When you say "it was later discovered that neither were HIV/AIDS medication", maybe provide some background as to what led to that discovery
 * *Highly ranked political position
 * The first time you write them, maybe spell out in words what "PhD" and "MD" are
 * Instead of passive speech like "had the position", just say "was" or "is the former" or something like that
 * Maybe include more as to what caused him to be promoted into Chief Scientist, if you can find that information
 * For the Kemron and Pearl Omega section, maybe try to beef it up and add who specifically refuted Obel and what studies they released
 * Instead of titling the subheadings as "related to HIV/AIDS" and "Unrelated to HIV/AIDS", maybe just reword it to "Other Work with HIV/AIDS" and "Work with Practical Therapeutics". Something a little more descriptive of the paragraph
 * Instead of repeating "the use of" and "the treatment of", just say lump them together and say "the treatment of gout and peptic ulcers" or something of that nature
 * Be sure to add years for everything, especially when he started advertising Kemron because this is a big chunk of the article
 * Also, it would be interesting to add information about what Kenyan news sources said about him. Did they call him crazy? Selfish? Evil?

Tone and balance evaluation
Good job here.

Sources and references evaluation
I would try to add more references so you are not pulling all of your information from just three sources.

Organization evaluation
I think the current organization is good, but I think another section between "Education" and "Kemron and Omega" is warranted because the jump seems to be a little much.

Images and media evaluation
Maybe try to find an image of the Kemron drug itself or of Dr. Obel

New Article Evaluation
Lots of stuff is linked which is good! As mentioned, try to add some more sources. You could also add a section titled "Works and Publications" or something of that nature as I have seen done for a lot of other scientists. I am not sure if he has published research but if so that would be good.

Overall evaluation
Overall solid work, just try to beef up some areas if you can and add some more sources. Also, be sure to add years for everything you mention because this will clarify a lot for the reader. I think you write in a neutral, balanced tone and you present the information in an effective way.