User:Tofu jail/Jung Yeondoo/Snowdrop1995 Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

(provide username) Toyeyeball


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Tofu%20jail/Jung_Yeondoo?veaction=edit&preload=Template:Dashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * does not exist

Evaluate the drafted changes
(Compose a detailed peer review here, considering each of the key aspects listed above if it is relevant. Consider the guiding questions, and check out the examples of what feedback looks like.)

LEAD

The lead is concise and provides a good, succinct impression of who Jung Yeondoo is as an artist. However, it might benefit from more personal details about him (if those can be found), such as place of birth, date of birth, and a quick summary of his success (doesn't have to be a full list of his awards and exhibitions, but an indicator that he is successful in his field).

CONTENT, TONE, AND BALANCE

There is a lot of content that acts as description of Jung's work in this article, which is good! However, some of the description borders on analytical rather than factual. This can impact the neutrality of the tone. Refraining from using phrases such as "have a sense of", "references", and "creates", will allow the artwork to be less active. Active vocabulary creates the impression that something will culminate, and that tends to create a tone appropriate for an argumentative paper. Thus, sticking to flat description of fact and detail will allow for a completely neutral, but informative, tone. Additionally, some of the description of 'Documentary Nostalgia' is a little long, which can impact the balance of the section. The tricky part with describing art in a format such as a Wikipedia article is that the pieces can often be found online and experienced by the reader themselves. All a reader needs to do is google the artwork or follow a link provided. Thus, much of the detailed description may be excessive. You want to try and stick to what is necessary and important in getting a good picture of who your subject is, in this case, Jung Yeondoo. Straying too far away or immersing yourself in a topic that is adjacent may cause confusion.

Additionally, if more information can be included about the artist himself, then the article would be even more well-rounded. Information such as Jung's upbringing, his interest in art, why he started to create art in the first place, his goals, his tribulations, etc. I know this information can be difficult to find, but it would add a much more expansive picture of the artist (which is ultimately the goal of the article), not just his work.

SOURCES AND REFERENCES

There are in-text citations, but they are not formatted by Wikipedia's guidelines. Thus, linked citations should be added. Additionally, the sources at the end of the article aren't linked so I was unable to check any of them, but from a first glance, they seem good!

This source might be worth exploring (it lists more exhibitions + there are a couple of critic statements about his work that may mention more details about his motivation, choice to do art, personal history, etc): http://www.koreanartistproject.com/eng_artist.art?method=artistView&auth_reg_no=31&flag=artist&flag2=crit&flagsub=Y

ORGANIZATION

Overall, the language of the article is good. I think the organization of the article is really good too. The sections are clear and well divided aka they don't bleed into each other.

NEW ARTICLE

I believe this is a great starting point for a Wikipedia article that has not been written before.

The article may benefit from inter-article linking. Thus, if some words in the article are linked to already existing Wikipedia articles about them, then more readers may be able to find this one and read it too.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS

This is a wonderful start to an article about a very accomplished and interesting artist. My main area of advice would be to try and flesh out who the artist is as a person and what his life has been like. The description and emphasis placed on his artwork is important, especially in understanding his status as an artist, but I wish I knew more about him as a person.

Other than that, there is the question of Wikipedia in-text citations and the overall tone, both of which should be relatively easy to polish and perfect.

Well done and good luck with revision! :) Lmk if you have any questions about anything I wrote.