User:TomSantoyo/sandbox

Puppy Patrol

The Puppy Patrol is a comical journal written by Tom Santoyo on Facebook.com from the hilarious perspective of his English Spaniel named Shadow. Misspellings and grammatical errors are intentionally left to express the early hour of composition.

June 17, 2016

4:43am Puppy Patrol: It was just a regular night, like any other night. The Master had fallen asleep on the couch dreaming exotic lands and exotic beauties. But that simply could not not continue, for there was trouble afoot on the Puppy Patrol.

As the Master lazily slumbered I concerned myself with sniffing the cool breeze and surveying the great kingdom. All the light touches, this side the bushes belongs to great family santoyo and the Puppy Patrol is the watchers in the night. Suddenly I begin spying a hare's hair shifting through the Serengeti planes of the side yard. Sound the alarm! Invaders! A cold nose to the ear typically does the trick. A paw precociously placed on his face certainly will end his wonderful slumber.

Arise Master, for we must defend the ancestral home of house Santoyo. Neither stubbed toe, nor missing flip flops shall slow the coming onset of bunny madness. To the door!

Agonizingly the Master stumbled to the south gate. Hurry you fool. I shake with excitement at the impending hunt. The tumbler lock twists and the old, paint-chipped door creaks.

We're off.

Heedless of strangely cool air that sits low amongst the tall grass, I barrel down the wheelchair ramp toward victory. Where? Where have those elusive creatures gone? Lurking. They surely have not escaped. The Puppy Patrol will route out the foreign scoundrels. A faint scent drifts through the breeze hinting towards their whereabouts. Finding the right flank I detect a fleet footed fiend far off in the distance.

Attack, heralds the allies from over-the-fence land, incessantly voicing their unactionable opinion. What stops them? Petty plastic stalls their approach. Pathetic. Annoying. Yapping weaklings, I shall defend the honor of the Puppy Patrol.

Like a crack of lightning in the distance I charge. One, two, three strides. You now know the full fury is upon you, bunny of darkness. Shockingly, our small prey turns and flees. Fight or flight? We now know understand the strength of your resolve hopping warrior. He's fast. Faster that you'd expect from such an infinitesimal threat to my canine magnificence. Around the bush. Under the chair? You cannot foil me miniature monster. Adirondack.... This chair might have well been an impenetrable bunker. Try the back. Attempt the front. Curse you. What? No. He escaped through a gap in wooden support. Return to the chase. Our prey may be quick but I have honor of the defense of this land.

He darts toward the great wall of fence-dom. You cannot escape. You shall not deny me of glory. The walls of Dog-halla shall reverberate with my bark, for I will have justice on this day. The Puppy Patrol shall prevail.

Shadow, hold!!!!! The Master commanded.

What? I don't understand? Victory was practically in grasp. Mercy? Mercy? Very well then. Mercy. For now. Keep your bunny hopping holes and adorable grass chewing to neighboring lands for this land is protected by the Puppy Patrol.