User:Tomasoccer/Viña del Mar International Song Festival/The Silvarius Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Tomasoccer


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * Viña del Mar International Song Festival Draft


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Viña del Mar International Song Festival

Evaluate the drafted changes
(Compose a detailed peer review here, considering each of the key aspects listed above if it is relevant. Consider the guiding questions, and check out the examples of what feedback looks like.)

Content


 * Covers content related to the article
 * Includes content to raise a spotlight for underrepresented artists

Tone & Balance


 * Relatively balanced and neutral
 * "drastic changes" may be seen as an opinion

Sources & References


 * References cover the previous 6 years. It can become questionable since that is getting into the out-of-date timeline of references. However, since this is historical, this is alright.
 * I myself can not easily fact check well because of the language barrier (even through translation programs) so this is a matter of trust

Organization


 * The 2nd paragraph is a bit hard to read through
 * "Not until 2015" should be moved/rewritten so it is smoother
 * Finally sentence is very hard to understand
 * Remember to try and split sentences

Tomasoccer answer: I appreciate the feedback. I knew when I was writing my sandbox I will have some issues with how I word my research or ideas. Most of the times, when I write an article or a paper in English, that is the biggest issue I have. Reading it again, there are plenty of sentences that I will have to fix, like "Not until 2015." I am still figuring out how should I phrase the awards paragraph. I am debating if I should do it chronologically or by award. Also, I have to mention which ones are still available in a way that runs smooth with the rest of the paragraph.

When you say "Remember to try and split sentences," do you mean to split that big paragraph into smaller ideas? Like the award having its own sentence?

Overall, thank you so much for the feedback. I will definitely reword my ideas so is easier for the reader to understand.