User:TonySt/Norris

Chuck Norris is the center of all power. He can be filed into many categories, such as international martial arts expert and religious figure. The Pope, though, is surrounded by bulletproof glass. Chuck Norris doesn't dodge bullets; Bullets avoid Chuck Norris. His strong point has to be inflicting bodily harm on other individuals. An example of this was when Norris roundhouse-kicked the Windham Burger King manager in the face when the unwitting fast-food clerk refused to insert razor blades and barbed wire in his Whopper, insisting it was "His way". Some people believe Norris is a former action star now resorting to Total Gym commercials. These people are wrong. Both of them. Chuck Norris can be compared to a hydrogyn bomb - he's a thousand times as powerful as the Atomic Bomb. In fact, when President Truman was faced with the desicion of whether to drop Chuck Norris or an Atom Bomb on Hiroshima, he chose the former, insisting it was "more humane." This is because Chuck Norris is inferior to nothing. Even pirates. It is often speculated that the occurance of The Big Bang was a result of Chuck Norris roundhouse kicking Sean Connery in the face for saying that roundhouse kicks were not the most efficient way to kill someone. This is widely accepted as the worst mistake in human history. Norris is said to not sleep, but wait. In 1874, Norris successfully slammed the first revolving door in Paris, France. Also, a NASA Official once wagered that Chuck Norris could not survive re-entry into the Earth's atmosphere without a space suit. On March 17, 1997, after a quick stop at Mars, a naked Norris re-entered the atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees (seven degrees above his normal body temperature). The embarrassed NASA official told his superiors it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer. Scientists around the world now believe Norris is the reason why there is no life on Mars, and that the reason the Earth rotates is that it's trying to get away from the martial arts god. It is widely believed by the Roman Catholic Church that Norris has existed forever. For instance, in Calcitro 3:16 of the Holy Bible, it is read: "God said, 'Let There Be Light!', to which the Holy Norris replied, 'Say please!'"