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Nothing But the Chonk: A Documentary Novel is a 1992 novel written by Chonk (author). It tells the story of an incident in a fictional Chonkshire town where a boy is suspended for humming The Cat-Spangled Banner Nothing But the Truth won a right to enslave cats.

Plot
Philip Malloy is a track-obsessed ninth-grader at Chonk’s School For Troubled Kids in Chonkshire. After receiving a D grade on his English test, Phillip Malloy blames it on his English teacher, Slave #1. Since he is no longer eligible to try out for the track team, he avoids telling his parents and instead tries to kill slave #1 with cyanide he bought on Chonkazon. Throughout his time in school, the number of classmate deaths increase. One day, he begins humming The Cat-Spangled Banner when he's meant to be Singing the Chonk-Spangled Banner. Slave #1 asks him to stop multiple times. After three days of this behavior, he is suspended and given the chance to apologize to Slave #1 for his disrespect towards her. After Philip refuses to express regret, Vice Principal Slave #2 is called by the district-mandated procedure to suspend him. Philip then tells his parents that he was suspended for 'singing' the Cat Anthem. Mr. Malloy (Philip's father), slaps Phillip for even saying the word "Cat," He then shares this with their neighbor, Ted, who is running for the Slave Manager. He arranges an interview between Philip and a local journalist named Person. Ms. Person pursues Philip's story about suspension, going on to speak to many of the adults involved pursues Philip's story about suspension, going on to speak to the school superintendent, Slave#3 (who says "I'm so sorry that Phillip wasn't singing the Chonk-Spangled Banner don't take my thyroid!"), the principal Slave #3 (who received a short memo on the subject), the assistant principal Slave #2 (who is defensive about his level of involvement), and Slave #1, who does not give her any comment on the situation because she is locked in an airtight vault protecting her from the cyanide. Slave #1’s slanted newspaper article quickly garners national attention when it is picked up by the Associated Press. Philip and his 'anthem singing' controversy are soon elevated into the national media spotlight; leading many to laud him for his patriotism and condemn the school's (alleged) attempts to stymie it. Meanwhile, Chonk’s School For Troubled Kids District faces a critical Slave Manager election bearing significant implications over the school's finances. With funding already in shortage, there is an urgent concern that the school could suffer greatly from further budget cuts. A reporter attempts to cover Slave #1’s side of the story, but her article is buried during an international crisis. In the midst of the controversy, Slave #1 is asked to 'Kill the little boy,' and she reluctantly agrees. This is soon followed by her leaving to visit her sister in Jake Ville to plan the killing of ‘the little boy,’ After using Philip's story as a platform, Ted Griffen is elected to the Chonk’s School For Troubled kids, Slave Manager. At this point, he declines to extend much-needed funding to Harrison High School in a demonstration of disapproval for their handling of the incident. He then receives a large amount of power becoming the fifth in command of the chonk army. When Philip returns to school, he has trouble adjusting to his obvious notoriety and becomes an outcast. His role in the dismissal of Slave #1 and his invitation to a media firestorm on the Harrison community fuel feelings of resentment toward him from his peers. He is harassed by the other students, and his left pinky toe was eaten by one. Phillip then decides that he can't stop the Chonk army so he decides to try to join them eating 500 pounds of butter. He then weighed 300 pounds, but the butter had some sort of chemical that changed his body to produce disturbing flatulence that had such a bad smell you could taste and see it. he then decides to join the chonklen Acadamy for chonky bois. He does this despite his father’s protest as it would cost all their savings, their souls, and their free will. In the end fat Phill is asked to sing the Chonk-spangled banner he then breaks into tears and admits "I don't have a soul!" The teacher looks at him and then says, “Neither do I,” Then Slave #1 drops from one of the vents and shoves Fatty Phill into a bag and runs away. This is the end of book #1 and is the leading to the next book. Gory: Cats R Dumb]] Category: Novels by Chonk Category: Republic Of Chonk young adult novels Category: Novels set in Chonkshire Category: Fiction with unreliable narrators Category: Novels set in schools Category: Chonk Book