User:Traaaco/He Jiankui affair/Jcic Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Traaaco, LLgreenery


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * Sandbox Draft


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * He Jiankui affair

Evaluate the drafted changes
There aren't many drafted changes, except for a few new sentences about other occurrences related to the controversy that He Jiankui was involved in or about his life. The article seems to already have a lot of information in general, but like mentioned in class, the actual sentence structure and words can be difficult to understand at times, so I think that is something that needs to be changed. However, genetics can be a complicated subject, so I understand the need for certain terms in this article.

I don't think any changes have been drafted for any sections other than the lead section, so the next step would be to edit the body itself. It seems that there is a lot of information repeated in the body of the article that was already mentioned in the lead section. Since the lead section is supposed to be a broad summary that gives the reader an overview of the subject of the article, I think it could be condensed. A lot of the details need a lot of explaining, and it would be more appropriate to do this in the body of the article. The lead is just supposed to introduce the sections, not explain the entire event and its details.