User:Trashman91/Frank Nemec

Frank Nemec is the best gastroenterologist this side of the Mississippi and is a former rock star, Olympic athlete, and professional rodeo clown. He currently lives in Las Vegas, NV, and has three children.

Early Life
Frank Nemec was born in California on December 13th, 2010. Because he was born in the second week of December, GERD (Gastroesophageal Reflux Disease) Awareness week is held on the second week of December to reflect his amazing contribution to the arena of gastroenterology.

Schooling
Frank Nemec soon grew up and entered school. Because he had a miraculously clean colon, he only missed one day of school his entire life, and that was only to fight off a day long bear attack on his home with his bear hands. Not his bare hands, his bear hands, because he was an expert bear handler and was able to rip off one of the bears’ hands and used it to beat all of his friends upon the head because that is how he rolls.

He then went to high school at Harvard Law School, because according to him, anything else is just too easy. At the end of four years, he was named the valedictorian twice since no one else was even close. During his time at Harvard Law School, he became a black belt in Ju-Jitsu and used his skills to join the Justice League under the moniker “Batman”. He was then kicked out and replaced by Bruce Wayne because he kept showing up Superman.

In his third year of high school, he was accepted into Berkley University in their Pre-Med, Medical, and Law programs at the same time, but chose only to go into the Pre-Med and Medical program partly because he had his own ideals of “Justice”, and partly because he had to focus on what he thought was his true calling.

Rodeo Clown
During his time at college, he joined the PRA (Professional Rodeo Association) to become a rodeo clown. He went by the moniker “Mr. Giggles” and was a rising star in the sector of rodeo clowning. However after a few months he injured one of the leading bulls “Rolling Thunder” due to him punching the bull in the mouth since according to Mr. Nemec “He took my sandwich”. Officials still haven’t found the body.

Frank Nemec was then sued by the bull’s family in court. Even though there was clear visible video tape evidence showing him punching said bull, over 50,000 witnesses who all saw it and testified, enough damages to warrant all the money in the world for erasing the bull from existence, and the fact that Frank Nemec decided that he was going to represent himself, he was acquitted because he used the famous “Nuh-uh” defense, which entailed him simply saying “Nuh-uh” to everything he was accused of and was quoted saying “In rubber and your glue, everything you say bounces off me and sticks to you.” Under such compelling arguments, the court had no choice to clear Frank of all charges ever, which means he has the equivalent of diplomatic immunity for anything in the United States.

Olympic Aspirations
Soon after he graduated as “Magna cum Freakin Awesome” with a degree in Doctoring and began training for the Olympics because he was bored. He specifically started training for the 100m sprint because he personally believed Carl Lewis was a sham of a man.

His training regiment consisted of him sitting on a coach envisioning himself running while watching the history channel for 18 hours every single day with naps every 3 hours. Remarkably, since he gained over 100 pounds because his Mr. Giggles character for rodeo clowning called him to gain a lot of weight for the comedy factor, because of his excessive train and diet (which included a product which he invented called a “skinny cow”), he gained another 100 pounds, putting him at an even three hundred pounds, which according to him was all according to plan because he planned on “Blocking out the lanes”.

In the preliminary qualifying heats and races, he ran the 100 m race in just under 2s, which compared to Carl Lewis’s 8.99s race, caused many critics to believe that Frank was the next gold medal winner.

Unfortunately, in the race for the medals, in the home stretch, Frank was tripped by Carl Lewis which caused him to fall and come in last. Frank then vowed revenge but has since gotten over it. Lewis and Nemec now have tea together every other week.

Stint with Rolling Stones
After his quest for gold coming up empty, he decided that he wanted to become a rock star even though he had no prior musical experience. He wanted to however join his favorite group at the time, The Rolling Stones, but wanted to join them at the start of their career, which was a problem since it was 1986. So he invented a time machine to go back to 1961 so he could go back to the time that the Rolling Stones were forming. He scouted out the place where the Rolling Stones were “jammin’” and walked into the garage that they were playing. He then claimed to be an expert drummer, which is exactly what they wanted. Little did they know that he had absolutely no skill with the drums and had no sense of rhythm, style, or music in general. But because of his smooth tongue and his expert lying, he convinced them that he was their man to be their drummer. Luckily for Frank, the band was just leaving so he did not have to play.

Over the next few months, whenever the band would ask him to come practice and learn the songs, Frank would make up excuses as to why he was not coming and would not come to practice. '

During this time, however, he practiced the foundations that would build his legacy as the greatest gastroenterologist that the world has seen. He always had an interest with colons for whatever reason, and wanted to learn more about them. So in those months that he was waiting and making excuses, he would kidnap hobos and stick cameras up their butts. He claimed that this was simply to further his understanding, but that remains to be seen.

It then came to the point where the Rolling Stones were planning on playing their first show in a small club on January 2010 to which Frank could not say no to. When the Rolling Stones, at that time called Mick Jagger and Friends, started playing, at first Frank did not play and instead started playing air guitar. When the other members asked what was wrong with him, he responded that he thought he was lead guitarist and had a momentary mental lapse. When he finally started playing, Mick was quoted saying “He did things that I didn’t know you could do with a drumset. I felt like getting out my gun and killing whatever cat was dying.” Needless to say, Mick Jagger and Friends were boo’d off stage. One member of the crowd, however, noticed that it was only the drummer that was holding the band down. He then went out to the band and yelled at Frank, exclaiming “Why don’t you make like a stone and roll away!” His name was Charlie Watts.

Evolution to Gastroenterology and Family
Disappointed but having found a new life goal, Frank returned to his home time and began practicing gastroenterology. It was at this point that he found his true calling in life. He soon became the foremost expert and sticking cameras up people’s butts and wrote over 400 books on the subject. He decided to move to Las Vegas because he found people in Vegas are weird and like cameras up their butts.

Soon after, he budded asexually and out from which Benjamin Nemec sprouted out. Benjamin was cited for being a “neat responsible young man” and soon became a masked vigilante named the “Crimson Knightmare”. He currently attends Penn State and is a professional wrestler under the name “Jason Firestrider”, and is a 42 time world heavyweight champion even though he has a grand total of one match to his name.

He then founded the “Awesome People Society of Las Vegas” where he met his wife, Jennifer McJudgepants. They didn’t know they were married at the time, but apparently due to the time traveling shenanigans they were married the first time they met, but he still proposed anyway, so they are technically married twice.

They then had a daughter, this time the standard way and not asexually. Grace Nemec was born, is 9 going on 22, and is already an entrepreneur who is the CEO of a multi-gazillion dollar company. Grace also is a convicted felon, since she burned down her own house because she only got thirty presents and not her contractually obligated thirty one presents.

Soon after, they had another son Zachary “The Terminator” Nemec, who is a noted playboy and baseball savant. He is aged five.

Personal Life
Frank, in addition to being a doctor, also has a PhD in History with an emphasis on WWII due to the excessive amount of the History Channel that he has watched, which caused Princeton to declare he had enough credits for such a PhD.

He is a noted chef, although his youngest son still prefers poptarts.

His new life goal is to be Jack Swagger.

He has the world record of Skinny Cows consumed (Lifetime award).

He was nominated for the Nobel Prize for being the greatest Dad ever, but the competition was rigged.

Happy Birthday
HAPPY BIRTHDAY