User:Tristen Allred

Tristen James Allred (June 16,1996)- is a Mexican-American male. He is an American NFL football player for the Cleveland Browns (#1). He graduated from Harvard University and then attended Oxford, then Stanford. He was also a professor at the Smarty University for Gifted Youths. He retired in 2010. He has four PH.D's. He graduated from Brownwood High School under head coach Jim Taylor and Bryce Monsen. He won fifteen state champions. He attended college and then went to the Super Bowl with the Green Bay Packers, skipping the NFL Draft because he was too good. He signed 1 year deals with all 32 NFL teams, to distribute his talents across the board. HE finally settled with the Cleveland Browns, with a 30 year deal worth $20,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 (shared with Josie McClung). haha

He attended 20 pro bowls. After he retires, he will go straight into the Hall of Fame.

EARLY LIFE: Tristen Allred was so good at football, he was being scouted by the Green Bay Packers, New England Patriots, Pittsburgh Steelers, and the Cleveland Browns. At the age of 3, he set a school record in the 40-yard dash. He ran a 3.1, greatest in track history. He declined the offers because he was not potty trained yet. The teams could not keep up with his diaper expenses. He pooped a lot, and still does. His mother was a 20 award winning actress. She won Emmy's and Academy Awards. Films like, "Once Upon A Mexican Woman", "Dreams Like A Boss", "Murder in the Bathroom", and "Rooster Goes Crazy". They were all directed by Mel Gibson. She resides in Spain with her husband, Antonio Banderas. His father, Issac Sanchez, a 10 time Super Bowl champion. He was the best. He died from having too much swag and gold chainz. He was also a best-selling rapper. Albums like "Watch Out", "Three Chainz", "Like Booby", "Ray-Ray: The One I Called Dad", and "The Blob". He won too many awards. They had to build his own music hall of fame because he had big business and even bigger swag. He was 112 years of age. Allred had two siblings. A brother, Mark Sanchez, and a sister, Sofia Vergara. Mark Sanchez is the quarterback for the New York Jets. Their team stinks. He stinks too. He is so bad that he the NFL and the NFLPA had to create a "Stink Bowl". Only the worst players attend this annual event. Players like, Eli Manning, Josh Hamilton, Tim Tebow, Russel Wilson, and Colin Kaepernick, to name a few. Sofia Vergara is a Mexican-Amercian actress. She is pretty and not a very good actress. She is just pretty. She was a model for Covergirl and then hosted Saturday Night Live. Other than that and Three Stooges, she is not that big.

MIDDLE LIFE: Tristen Allred was chosen out of 1,000 people to become the head of the FBI. HE declined because he had dance classes. Stars like Justin Bieber, Michael Jackson, and TuPac attended. President Obama understood and gave the job to Osama Bin Laden. Retiring from his dance classes and pursued his career as a talented man. He appeared on American Idol and America's Got Talent. He blew the minds of the judges and advanced to the winner's circle in both contests. Simon and Britney kissed him on the cheeks. Simon had to brush his teeth. Britney got a hair cut.

ACTING CAREER: Allred appeared in a few hit films. Films like "World War M: Mexicans Attack the City Hall of Brownwood", "Taquito Has Fallen", "Too Much Paper for the Shredder", Change in the Bank", "This Is Me", "Whatever: A Story of Greatness". He also appeared in several Emmy nominated television shows. Shows like "Two And A Half Burritos", "The Big Bang Gun", "Anger Manager", and "Totally SWAG". He was the director, producer, and caterer. He has won Academy Awards for "Best Actor", "Best Supporting Actor", "Best Actress", "Best Director", "Best Producer", and "Best Face on Film."

CATERING CAREER: Tristen Allred has catered for the Miami Heat, Cleveland Browns, Dallas Stars, Tiger Woods, and Steven Spielberg. He is considered the greatest caterer of all time.

HIGH SCHOOL: Tristen Allred attended Brownwood High School in Brownwood Texas. He was #1 in all classes. He was so smart, he fired the superintendent for his haircut. He coached the Brownwood Lion Football program and played in fifteen state championships. His faithful football companions, Justin "is a boss" Price and Ryan "Fatman" Lewis. His girlfriend and head cheerleader, Kayli Waddle was pretty and awesome. The Brownwood Lions were not anything without these people, especially Tristen. On his SAT he scored a 3000. His ACT, 4000. Stephen Hawkins came to visit him, but Allred was time traveling and didn't want to talk to a computer, which he has phobia of. He graduated in 2015 and took a job at the local food store.

COLLEGE CAREER: He attended Harvard University in 2016. He was #1 in his class in the first year. He was too smart and began teaching his own classes. He did not have much money and so worked part time as the head alien at NASA. He graduated from Harvard with his PH.D in 2017. He then went to Oxford and graduated on the first day because he made people explode because he was too smart. He finally went to Stanford and led the football team to four national champions. He graduated the second day because the professors did not want to get embarrassed anymore.

FOOTBALL CAREER: He did not get drafted into the NFL because he drafted the NFL. In his first 15 seasons, he went to the Pro bowl and broke the sack record 20 times. He won 5 Super Bowls, all by himself. He ended up with the Cleveland Browns. He was awesome. Justin and Ryan re-united with Allred when the Browns went to the Super Bowl and they served him water on the sidelines.

EXTRA: Tristen Allred appeared on "Oprah" to discuss political things. He said "...African Americans...are cool...athletic...presidential candidates...and zoo-keepers." Oprah gave him $2,000,000,000 for having brown colored eyes. He appeared on "Maury". His girlfriend accused him of cheating on her. he never did. Turned out, it was not even his girlfriend. Come to find out, he had nine children and eight of them were Asian. The lone normal one was a white boy, Colt.

COLT: Colt Bertrand was born on June 6, 2006. He went to college at the age of 6. He was recruited by the New England Patriots and won five Super Bowls. He killed Aaron Rodgers, Tom Brady, and Peyton Manning to destroy competition. He was elected into the Pro Football of Fame at the age of 13. He died at the age of 14. Dang it. However, Tristen and Angelina Jolie decided to adopt an orphaned European boy. Carson McAnally Allred joined the family estate. Wait for it, Wait for it, it turns out Colt actually did not die, he was simply just working on his slowing his heart beat to a complete stop technique. He restarted his heart three months after proclaimed death, and is now going strong back at Brownwood High School working for that 8th State title. #BrownwoodLionPride

Michaela was here Disney XD