User:Tristessa de St Ange/Mediation Cabal 2.0

The Mediation Cabal 2.0
The following template does not exist:

and therefore you should definitely not:
 * ''' Place this template on an article talk page where mediation is required.

It is also definitely not true that:
 * Volunteer mediators can watch Category:Mediation Cabal 2.0 requests and respond to requests on the pages on which they are placed.

It's also completely, absolutely, beyond any doubt untrue that:
 * If you are interested in mediating, or see disputes that could be mediated, just dive in.

Furthermore:
 * User:Tristessa de St Ange

would like to point out that she is emphatically nothing to do with the Mediation Cabal 2.0 (even though it doesn't exist), and she expressly will not be be providing any sort of coordination effort towards this cabal (which, as you know, doesn't exist anyway).

Perplexed?
Why, of course you are! The Mediation Cabal 2.0 emphatically does not, and never will, exist. If it did, however, it would expand upon the work done by the now-inactive Mediation Cabal with a lightweight, decentralised approach that would attain better process usage, faster response, improved quality of service and turnaround fast enought to solve disputes before they need to go to WP:3O or WP:RFC. This is not to say, of course, that it does (or ever will exist). But if it did, it may well be able to avoid issues of bureaucracy, clunkiness and mediator inertia, keeping up to date with Wikipedia's dispute resolution requirements.

Q: But I thought the Mediation Cabal was marked inactive?
A: Ah yes. But you see, as the Mediation Cabal page aptly points out, the cabal never existed, and so whether or not it is marked inactive is neither here nor there.

Q: Heh. Funny. But I thought it was marked inactive by consensus?
A: It was. But it never existed, and nobody ever gives cabals permission to exist, anyway. Nobody gave it permission to start (even though it never started because it didn't exist, and, uh...)

Q: Once again, hilarious. You should have your own comedy show on TV. But won't it just have loads of paperwork like the old one did?
A: Well, the old one never existed, but it definitely did manage to create reams and reams of bureaucratic nonsence for a chimera. That isn't going to happen again. Just a template and a category, no membership list.

Dispute resolution