User:Txmormon97/toolbox

Articles I Am Currently Watching
Collaborating with User:ProfessorEditor and User:McCoppin on: "Barnevelder" "Beanie Sigel" "Cthulhu Mythos" "Juice Crew" "Lullism" "Yahoo! Mail"

Initial Recommendations and Queries

 * In the introduction, the second paragraph needs an correct citation (after the first citation).
 * In the introduction, who is Richard L. Tierney in respect to Cthulhu Mythos?
 * In the introduction, is there an appropriate link to the 'Deplete Mythos'?
 * In the introduction, the third paragraph's sentence needs a revision?
 * In the History section, there are some small punctuation changes to be made.
 * In the History section (First Stage), Yog-Sothoth and some other terms might need a hyperlink.
 * In the History section (Second Stage), some terms might need hyperlinks.
 * In the History Section (Second Stage), some terms might need a definition. Such as myth-cycle.
 * In the See Also Section, some of these terms do not have to be defined.
 * Clarify citations that occur.
 * There are some ISBNs missing.
 * In the Further Reading Section, the 'red words' should be reviewed.

Sentence Rephrases

 * Original: The term was first coined by August Derleth, a contemporary correspondent of Lovecraft, who used the name of the creature Cthulhu — a central figure in Lovecraft literature[1][full citation needed] and the focus of Lovecraft's short story "The Call of Cthulhu" (first published in pulp magazine Weird Tales in 1928) — to identify the system of lore employed by Lovecraft and his literary successors. (Introduction)
 * Revision: The term was first coined by August Derleth, a contemporary correspondent of Lovecraft, who used the name of the creature Cthulhu — a central figure in Lovecraft literature and the focus of Lovecraft's short story "The Call of Cthulhu" (first published in pulp magazine Weird Tales in 1928) — to identify the system of lore employed by Lovecraft and his literary successors.


 * Original: In his essay "H. P. Lovecraft and the Cthulhu Mythos", Robert M. Price described two stages in the development of the Cthulhu Mythos. Price called the first stage the "Cthulhu Mythos proper." This stage was formulated during Lovecraft's lifetime and was subject to his guidance. The second stage was guided by August Derleth who, in addition to publishing Lovecraft's stories after his death, attempted to categorize and expand the Mythos. (Introduction)
 * Revision: In his essay "H. P. Lovecraft and the Cthulhu Mythos", Robert M. Price described two stages in the development of the Cthulhu Mythos. During his lifetime, Lovecraft guided and formulated “Cthulhu Mythos Proper,” as Price calls the first stage. After his death, August Derleth published Lovecraft’s stories which guided the second stage in attempt to expand and categorize the Mythos.

Clarity Changes

 * "...in the face of cosmic horrors that apparently exist in the universe." (History: First Stage: First ¶)
 * "...when faced with the cosmic horrors that exist in the universe."


 * "...in 'The Call of Cthulhu,' in which the minds of human characters deteriorated when afforded a glimpse of what exists outside their perceived reality." (History: First Stage: First ¶)
 * "...in 'The Call of Cthulhu' where the minds of human characters deteriorate when glimpsing what exists outside their perceived reality."


 * "Lovecraft emphasized the point by stating in the opening sentence of the story that..."(History: First Stage: First ¶)
 * "In the opening sentence of 'The Call of Cthulhu,' Lovecraft emphasized this point by stating that..."


 * "Writer Dirk W. Mosig notes that Lovecraft was a 'mechanistic materialist' who embraced the philosophy of cosmic indifferentism." (History: First Stage: Second ¶)
 * "Writer Dirk W. Mosig notes that Lovecraft, as a 'mechanistic materialist,' embraces the philosophy of cosmic indifferentism.


 * "Human beings, with their limited faculties, could never fully understand this universe, and the cognitive dissonance caused by limitation leads to insanity."(History: First Stage: Second ¶)
 * With their limited faculties and cognitive dissonance, human beings could never fully understand this universe without resulting in insanity."
 * commented to me earlier today "I see what you did but I think this edit reduces the meaning of the original sentence too much."


 * "Lovecraft's viewpoint made no allowance for religious belief which could not be supported scientifically, ..." (History: First Stage: Second ¶)
 * "Lovecraft's viewpoint made no allowance for religious belief which could not be supported scientifically."


 * "...scientifically, with the incomprehensible, cosmic forces of his tales having as little regard for humanity as humans have for insects." (History: First Stage: Second ¶)
 * "scientifically. With regards to the incomprehensible in his stories, the cosmic forces of his tales have as little regard for humanity as humans have for insects."


 * "...this fictional group of beings." (History: First Stage: Third ¶)
 * "...this fictional group of cosmic beings."


 * "The view that there was no rigid structure is reinforced by S. T. Joshi who stated..." (History: First Stage: Fifth ¶)
 * "S. T. Joshi reinforced the view that there was no rigid structure stating that ..."
 * Edit suggested by


 * "Price, however, believed that Lovecraft's writings could at least be divided into categories and identified three distinct themes..." (History: First Stage: Sixth ¶)
 * "...latter's use of hope Derleth and that believed the Cthulhu..." (History: Second Stage: First ¶)
 * "...latter's use of hope. Derleth believed the Cthulhu..."


 * "Derleth is credited with creating the Elder Gods." (History: Second Stage: First ¶)
 * "He is credited with creating the Elder Gods."


 * "Derleth expanded the boundaries of the Mythos by including any passing reference to another author's story elements by Lovecraft as part of the genre: just as Lovecraft made passing reference to Clark Ashton Smith's Book of Eibon, Derleth in turn added Smith's Ubbo-Sathla to the Mythos."(History: Second Stage: Second ¶)
 * "Derleth expanded the boundaries of the Mythos by including references to other authors' story elements by Lovecraft as part of the genre: just as Lovecraft made references to Clark Ashton Smith's Book of Eibon. Derleth in turn added Smith's Ubbo-Sathla to the Mythos."
 * Edit suggested by

Grammar and Punctuation

 * Deleted comma in History: Second Stage: Third ¶
 * Deleted ", being" and replace with a semicolon in "Lovecraft" Mythos.

Integrating Quotes
I feel like quotes should be used in the same way in the rest of the article: small quotes with lots of explanation.
 * Joshi's quote in the "History: First Stage section" should be integrated (and explained) into the paragraph to help bring about clarity and understanding.
 * Derleth's quote in the 'History: Second Stage' section should be integrated (and explained) into the paragraph to help bring about clarity and understanding.

Suggested Removal or Moving of Sections

 * "Lovecraft" mythos -- I personally do not understand why this section is pertinent.

Initial Recommendations and Queries

 * In the introduction, there are some sentences that need revision.
 * In the Features Section (Free Version), the bullet points should be converted to a paragraph, or have some sort of additional prose.
 * In the History Section, many of the points made in the previous section are in this section.
 * In the History Section, the quote has no context.
 * In the History Section, the 2015 section is unusually short.
 * In the Controversy Section, the Username Bans section needs some more length.

Sentence Rephrases

 * "Yahoo! Mail is a web­based email service offered by the American company, Yahoo!. The service was launched in 1997,and is free for personal use, with paid­for business email plans available." (Introduction)
 * "Yahoo! Mail, a web-based email service, launched in 1997 through the American parent company Yahoo!. Yahoo! Mail provides two different email plans: one is free for personal use and another is paid-for business use."


 * On December 14, 2016, Yahoo announced that more than 1 billion user accounts were hacked in a breach that occurred back in 2013. (Introduction)
 * On December 14, 2016, Yahoo announced a breach in 2013 allowed hacks of more than one billion user accounts.


 * This announcement came after the initial September report in which Yahoo announced that 500 million user accounts were breached in 2014.(Introduction)
 * Earlier that year in September, Yahoo! announced an additional 500 million user accounts were breached in 2014.


 * The real point in acquiring Four11 was the company's Rocketmail webmail service, launched in 1997. In the end, Yahoo! acquired Four11 for $96 million.
 * In the end, Yahoo! acquired Four11 for $96 million. The purpose behind acquiring Four11 was the company's Rocketmail webmail service which launched in 1997.

Clarity
Introduction
 * "The company was said to have known about the breach affecting hundreds of millions of accounts years before their initial announcement."(Introduction)
 * "The company was said to have discovered the breach that affected hundreds of millions of accounts years before their initial announcement."

Features History
 * Added "capacity" after "Unlimited mail storage" in Features: Business Plan.
 * "...Yahoo! Mail then countered Hotmail and Google..." (History: Fourth ¶)
 * "...Yahoo! Mail countered Hotmail and Google..."


 * " Many were incorporated..." (History: Fifth ¶)
 * "Many of the features were incorporated..."


 * "A 2013 redesign of the site removed..." (History: 2013 release: First ¶)
 * "In 2013, Yahoo! redesigned the site and removed..."


 * "...an good user-experience for owners of hand-held devices..." (History: 2013 release: First ¶)
 * "... an improved user-experience for mobile devices..."


 * "...inferior desktop interface design." (History: 2013 release: First ¶)
 * "...inferior desktop interface."


 * Many users objected to the unannounced nature of the changes, with one hundred thousand voting and almost ten thousand commenting on an online post asking Yahoo! to bring back Mail tabs. (History: 2013 release: First ¶)
 * "Many users objected to the unannounced nature of the changes through an online post asking Yahoo! to bring back mail tabs with one hundred thousand voting and almost ten thousand commenting."


 * "The redesign was accompanied by a multi-week problem whereby an unknown number of users to access their accounts."(History: 2013 release: First ¶)
 * "The redesign produced a problem that caused an unknown number of users to lose access to their accounts for a few weeks."

Spam Policy
 * "However, Yahoo! does not tolerate this practice. It terminates..."(Spam Policy: First ¶)
 * "Yahoo! does not tolerate this practice and terminates..."


 * "... without warning, and spammers lose access..." (Spam Policy: First ¶)
 * "... without warning, causing spammers to lose access..."


 * "...(at) yahoo.com, and the response email for those..."(Spam Policy: Third ¶)
 * "...(at) yahoo.com. Yahoo!’s response for those..."


 * "Aside from this, there is currently no working..." (Spam Policy: Third ¶)
 * "This is currently the only working..."


 * "In 2002, in order to prevent abuse, Yahoo! Mail had filters..." (Spam Policy: Filters: First ¶)
 * "In order to prevent abuse, in 2002, Yahoo! Mail used filters..."

Controversy
 * Delete sentence "As of May 2011, Shi remained in prison." in Controversy: Shi Tao arrest: Third ¶
 * "Shi was released in September 2013." (Controversy: Shi Tao arrest: Third ¶)
 * "Shi was released from prison in September 2013."


 * "...a spam and phishing attack described as..." (Controversy: Phishing Attack: First ¶)
 * "...a spam and phishing attack that was described as..."


 * "...qualities, but tailored ..." (Mobile App: First ¶)
 * "qualities, but are tailored ..."


 * "It is also available..." (Mobile App: First ¶)
 * "It is available..."

Grammar and Punctuation

 * replace e-mail with email in History: Third ¶
 * "...new version disables..."(History: 2011 release: First ¶)
 * "...new version disabled..."


 * "...new interface overrides..."(History: 2011 release: First ¶)
 * "...new interface overrode..."


 * Remove apostrophe after 'years' in(Controversy: Shi Tao arrest: First ¶)
 * Add 'An' before First word in First Sentence of Controversy: Exploit: First ¶
 * Change 'unaccessible' to 'inaccessible' in Controversy: China Yahoo! Mail Closedown: First ¶
 * Delete the word 'on' which is found before 'as an email provider' in the last sentence of Controversy: Phishing Attack: First ¶.
 * "...from the App Store, for iOS, and the Google Play Store, for Android." (Mobile App: First ¶)
 * "...from the App Store for iOS, and the Google Play Store for Android."

Adding and Moving Sections
In the features section, there seems to be more than two configurations of e-mail plans (free and business) that are stated. There are seemingly four: Free plan, Plus plan, Ad Free plan, and Business Plan. For example for the "Plus Plan" we can literally take the section in "History" that details the Plus Plan and move it into a "Plus Plan" section of "Features" I feel like the POP3 section should be somewhere other than features. However, that being said, I do recognize that POP3 is a 'feature' of Yahoo!. It just doesn't seem to fit where it is right now. There is also a lot of information about POP later that does not seem to reflect in the 'POP3 section.' I feel like the History section can become more clear by breaking it apart into smaller sections like it was done later (e.i. 2011 release, 2013 release, 2015 release). Perhaps new sections can be called Acquisition and 1997 release; 2002 Updates; and Competition and 2004 Updates. What do ya'll think?

General Queries
Should it be written 'Yahoo' or 'Yahoo!'? It changes throughout the article. I do not understand the following sentence from the article: "From 2007, Yahoo! provided major New Zealand Telecom's email service, which came under criticism in early 2013 following a spam and phishing attack that was described as the biggest to have ever hit the country." (Controversy: Phising Attack: First ¶) Does 'major' need to be replaced with 'majority'?