User:Tygodin17/Pepsodent/Teague Sloane Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Tygodin17


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * User:Tygodin17/Pepsodent


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Pepsodent

Evaluate the drafted changes

 * Lead- don't forget to update the lead paragraph as needed when you publish your additions/changes.
 * Content- all of your content is relevant to toothpaste, but be careful giving too much information on the history of toothpaste and not connecting it to Pepsodent. Much of what you have written I would expect to find on a page on the history of oral care, or history of toothpaste in general.  Ways you could add more content could be adding specific examples of how Pepsodent advertisements were racist.
 * Tone and Balance- your tone and balance seem to be neutral and free of persuasion.
 * Sources- your use of sources is accurate and properly represents the original author's work. Your first sentence in your advertising section seems like it may be a direct quote and it may be too obscure of a reference.  If this point is important you may want to elaborate on that thought a little more.
 * Organization- your changes seemed to be thought out and organized well, it seems that some parts may pose a challenge once you try and add them to the main article, but to me it seems like it will fit in nicely with a little work.
 * Images- if possible it would be great to use an advertisement or two that could help further your points on racism in advertisements
 * Overall- The proposed content to be added is good information and would fit into the main article. You have done well to identify missing areas in the main page and try and fill those voids.  Some content needs to be better linked to Pepsodent directly or possibly may be more appropriate for a different article not focused on a specific brand.