User:TylerManko/sandbox

Jessica's Feedback

I would work on how you explain things to your readers. If you have never seen the movie, it is very confusing.The content is all there and good but it does need reorganized. Some of the sentences are too long and need broken up. It would also help to go into more detail explaining things such as why Sid is two characters. The text is relevant to the Wikipedia article. While they do not duplicate the Wikipedia, more information has to be added in order to complete the section. The addition is in chronological order from what I can tell but can be organized differently so that it flows better. The tone is neutral but I am unable to access your source (it will not allow me to click on it or copy it into the search bar).

Wenqi's Feedback
It is a good idea to introduce some historical and social information behind the movie as you indicated in your topic sentence. But, I didn't see you talked about it. Instead, you described the personalities of each character, which is not necessary for a Wiki article. I suggest you stick to your topic sentence and elaborate on it.

Also, see my revision suggestions in the above brackets.

Use punctuation when you write so that your readers can follow you better.

Jessica P's Feedback
The information is good. There are some small grammatical things that need to be fixed to make the readability better. I think this could be added as a "History" or "Background" type pf section. Maybe leave out referencing the articles and just keeping the information after that. But otherwise, it's a really great edition to the Wikipedia article.

Logan's Feedback
Small grammar errors. Sentence structure is pretty good. I agree that it could be under the "History" or "Background" section. But overall, its good.