User:Underdunk

David "David" Bardack (b. October 31, 1982 in Manhattan, NY) is a student at Central Connecticut State University currently taking the required courses for pursuit of a medical degree. He currently resides in Middletown, CT, where he enjoys spending time with his girlfriend, who is a fearless death-defying blonde babe. His dream of heaven involves eating sushi on roller coasters. A lifelong Superman afficcionado, "David" eagerly anticipates the release of Superman Returns next summer.

While eating dinner with her husband and his parents, David's mother began having contractions on the night of October 30th, 1982. To avoid having a child born in Staten Island, David's father rushed his wife across the Verrazano Bridge into Brooklyn and the rickety, then-unpaved Brooklyn Bridge to Manhattan, to ensure that his first child would be born in a suitably esteemed environment. Upon arriving into this world, David is said to have called the OB/GYN "fascist" based on a comment overheard in utero seven months earlier indicating an affinity for the New York Yankees.

Other than growing into an adorable lump of cute, David's early childhood was strikingly bland. When asked, he could not recall a single thing before the age of four. Foul play is suspected in the erasure of David's earliest memories, as he was known to associate with suspects of 1983's Brinks Mat robbery.

Before turning a year old, David's family moved to Cleveland. When the Ohio Department of Health advised the community to "just try and eat around the tumors" of locally caught fish, the Bardacks packed up and moved to Philadelphia.

Philadelphia was where David learned the joy of urinating in places where females cannot. One of his favorite sites was off a cliff next to his apartment building, at the bottom of which was an old, half-buried overturned car. David hoped his stream of justice would help wash the car into the creek that ran nearby where the car had become embedded. Another favorite was along the corridors of Veterans Stadium, though that was hardly as noteworthy. After a year of living in their first-floor apartment, the Bardacks hopped over the state line to Ewing, New Jersey.