User:Uruiamme

New proposal
I propose we liven up the Main Page of Wikipedia!

Old Fogey
I've been on Wikipedia for 10 years. And no one sent me a birthday cake. Ever.

''I remember things back in the olden days,

way back when, in the days of yore,

''back in yesteryear,

''way, way, back to time immemorial;  and the distant memories of the past,''

''when dinosaurs roamed the earth,

and forgotten memories were still remembered,

when Father Time had just a mustache,

and the legends of old

''were newly minted media stunts; ''

''when the world was still young,

and the march of time

was sort of a crawl,

back when I was younger than the hills,

''and a wrinkle in time was like baby fat rolls; ''

''before the bell that tolls was hung,

when death's door was just a walkway,

and I was younger than dirt,

when antiquity was contemporary,

''and classical things were modern; ''

''when archeology was originality,

and time-worn was revolutionary,

when primordial civilizations of men

were my fellow tribesmen and women,

and relics of old were shiny and new;

''when the sands of time were

rocks and shoals,

and the bygone eras were yet to be born,

when the Gordian knot was a bowtie,

and myths were just vicious rumors;

''when Methuselah was a young lad,

and Pandora kept her box shut,

when the pillars of the earth

were still under construction,

''and Rome was a lonely wolves den; ''

when Noah was a landlubber,

before water went under the bridge,

and food was nary for a thought,

like when prehistoric was just

what I ate for breakfast;

before traditions had origins,

and a donkey was an ass,

when sailing ships were rowed by hand,

chariots raced without a wheel,

and the spear had no point;

before the poem had a rhyme,

and literary tropes were sort of novel,

when old school was still preschool,

yarns were spun by the mouth,

and writers used wet clay;

when man caves were homes

and women had bare feet,

when the tilling of earth

was liable to hurt,

and chiropractors not paid;

back when knock-knock

had no who's there

and mountain dew was not in a can,

when click-and-drag

was a marriage proposal;

when jokes were gay,

and gay was funny,

when diagramming sentences made me chuckle,

and reading and 'rithmetic

made more sense;

when science had some use,

and rhetoric its measure,

when teachers basked in literary treasure,

from God and wisdom and

real living legends;

when smoke came with no mirrors,

and fire was made from wood,

before clearing land was deprecated,

when meat was red and bloody still,

and death surer than taxes;

before the Inuit named the snow,

when plows were pushed by hand,

when bawdy women had no profession,

before Noah planted his vine,

and man had no best friend;

when Old Man Winter

was just a spring chicken,

when the chicken herself

had not an egg

and no road to cross;

when the cradle of civilization

was still being carved,

and rituals were the latest thing,

when young people were neither seen nor heard,

and the old weren't even born;

when shoes were tied without a lace

and thongs were for the toes

when the hairs on my head

''were golden brown; '' I was.