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This is a copy of a deleted article. I'm not connected to it. I just think it's hilarious.

I found it at List_of_really,_really,_really_stupid_article_ideas_that_you_really,_really,_really_should_not_create

Deletion discussion: Articles for deletion/709 Brown

Userified version on the author's page: User:Teknofreak642/709Brown

The Inception of 709
709, as a suite in Brown, is a rather nondescript suite. It is composed to two single rooms, two double occupancies, a common living area, and a bathroom. However, it is odd in that it is the smallest suite, in terms of square footage, in all of Sylvan. This is because of Brown Dormitory's "backwards" construction and it's proximity to the roof.

709 Brown offers a prime view of the east end of campus. It overlooks the new student housing construction poject, and further out views of the Berkshire Mountains. It is a prime viewing spot for sunsets throughout the entire year, as none of the trees or buildings located on the hill that frames Sylvan block any of the windows located in 709.

Suite 709 is one of several locations marked as a stop-over in the UMASS Ghost Tour. It is purportedly inhabited by a ghost named "Chalmers". "He" is rumored to cause drastic temperature fluctuation, open and close the bathroom door, and flicker the bathroom lights at 5 am every Thursday morning.

These purely physical descriptions of 709 may cause skeptics to question this articles' legitimacy. However, the suite serves as a physical manifestation of the possibility of collective change. Its members and social events have been the subject of numerous cartoon strips in the Daily Collegian over the course of the last 5 years.

709 Brown has a habit of churning out students who are involved in student politics and who seem to make it their personal agenda to alter the social paradigm of the living area.

The Sylvan Living Area's Population largely consists of people who chose to live in another area of campus and who were denied this opportunity as a result of University Protocol and Housing Limitations. 709's population on a yearly basis follows similar trends, though recently as its notoriety has grown there has been a steady influx of students who choose to live there.

The 709 Comics
I am currently in the process of getting access to the paper morge for the Umass Daily Collegian in order to get copies of comic strip based upon the people and events of 709.

The Pool Party
On September 17th, 2005, 709 decided to host a tropical pool party in the common room of the suite. Tarps were first layed down covering the extent of the room, and then a large inflatable pool was set up. In order to fill the pool with water, a garden hose was run from a faucet in the bathroom to the pool in the common room. The party was dispersed around midnight by several RA's who also ordered the removal of the tarps and the pool from the common room. Before leaving, the RA's called maintenance to come look at possible damage to the suite. Around 3 AM, maintenance personel arrived to estimate any damage done. Upon seeing the water soaked entryway, the maintainer said, "It'll dry" and left. On Septemeber 29th, the letter one can see to the left was recieved by two suitemates of 709. The letter, along with giving a detailed description of the party and various charges, stated that the two suitemates would be put on "interim suspension". This meant that they would be removed from campus and have all the credits from that semester voided. The two suitemates are in the process of fighting these charges.

Snowball Fight 2004
Snowball Fight 2004 is known and remembered by many students, present and former, who attended UMASS Amherst and lived in the Sylvan and Northeast Living Areas.

On the evening of December 16th, 2004, a spontaneous event of riotous proporitons erupted in the common area of the three Sylvan buildings. Urged by a speech given by various members of suite 709 Brown, several hundred revelers and would be rioters congregated and began what would be known as the largest on-campus snowball fight in the history of the University.

Led by a trio of 709ers, the mob attacked smokers outside various dormitories in Sylvan. They pelted innocent bystanders, the sides of buildings, and cars. The mob then proceeded down Eastman Lane in Amherst, with many members of the group sliding down the unplowed street. Their destination was the Northeast Living Area.

This impromptu army assaulted an ongoing snow football game with such ferocity and violence that every member of the Northeast Tag Football Team retreated to their dorms, at which point the mob slowly dispersed.

Sylvan Concert 2004
Members of 709 Brown were eventually elected as representative leaders in the Area Government of Sylvan. These members included 709 residents Ryan "8ball" Murray and Matthew "Handles" Handler, as Secretary and Lieutenant Governor respectively.

These gentlemen made it their ultimate goal to organize, manage, and direct the largest end-of-school event the living area had ever seen. Over the course of 8 months they organized a 7-band concert which including groups from as far away as Hartford, CT. The musical ensembles ranged from free-form improvisational jazz to the hip-hop of underground legend Brownsound.

The concert drew a large number of residents, with an approximation of 1500 people over the course of the 10 hour day. Food was served in abundance and various carnival events such as bouncy houses were strategically placed along the trod.