User:Vami IV/RfA debrief

This is the second time I have made an effort to "debrief" my experience of RfA. For more than a year after my RfA, I went back and forth about writing a debrief several times. At first, I thought I definitely would and that it would be a zinger and that it would restore any reputation I might have lost. I started reading voraciously, discussing my RfA with friends, and taking down notes. But it was too soon, too knee-jerk. So I stopped. Sadness became anger, and after some ill-advised public remarks about my RfA and some of its participants, I drifted into thinking that I had nothing to say; that my RfA happened the way it did because I deserved it, and I deserved it because I am a dumb and unpleasant person.

If you want a diary of my experience of my RfA, there you go. I still don't think I can make a useful debrief of the event itself, coming back to this page in January 2024. But I think I can offer useful observations and suggestions for people who have failed RfA, are failing RfA, or are considering RfA. Below, I've organized my ruminations and advice according to where you find yourself in your RfA. In #Before is my warning against RfA, and advice if you choose to proceed. In #During is my advice for keeping your RfA experience as smooth as possible. And in #After is my final reflection of my RfA, and my advice for the aftermath of your RfA.

Before
The first piece of advice I'd offer for someone considering RfA is to think twice. I might also say, and previously have said, that you shouldn't. If you are sick, stressed, short on time, anxious, don't. You can crush an RfA 200 to nothing, like Trialpears did at his (courtesy ping), and it will still be stressful – Just ask Trialpears. An RfA will not be good for your health. Just think about what you are doing. You are going before the entire community, and observers, to ask for a judgment of your character and abilities. The consequences of an RfA, and especially an unsuccessful one, can be immense. But if I can't dissuade you, then here is some advice for avoiding a tumultuous RfA, or coping with having a rocky RfA.


 * 1) Do not trust ORCP. Your test of whether or not you should request the mop is if experienced editors with several years of experience suggest it to you without your prompting. If there are, consider it. If there are not, forget it. An ORCP may at most have a dozen participants, who might already be well disposed to you. An RfA will have dozens at least and usually hundreds of participants who will find more to examine about you, more to ask you, and more to discuss. And if you fail an ORCP, do not run. You will fail an RfA, and in front of the entire community.
 * 2) If you're publicly possessed of very strong and partisan political views, prepare for trouble. Trouble not just for you, but anyone who likes you and would or will go to bat for you. They'll support you. They will be very loud about supporting you. And they might fight people who don't support your candidacy, and they will increasingly lose sight of the forest in favor of the trees. That fighting will take its toll on the participants and on you. And even if your friend doesn't fight with the oppose voters, their support or the wording thereof may cause your friends a lot of trouble down the road, too. Walk carefully if you proceed to RfA, and accept concessions asked of you by the community. Demonstrate that you can edit neutrally. Even better is to not edit in the areas in which you are biased, and I would recommend immediately stopping and never again editing in those areas.
 * 3) For every goof, incompetent action, or harsh word, add another three months before you run. To be accepted as an administrator, you need to be accepted as a tolerable person. You must in particular be capable of reflection and self improvement. The community will not tolerate poor behavior or incompetence in a candidate, and if you run before you can show you can learn from mistakes, those mistakes will be brought up, and you will probably fail.
 * 4) If that time is an intolerable delay, do not run. You are immature, or suspicious, and the editors casting votes in opposition of your candidacy will say as much.
 * 5) Have a good reason for asking for the mop, and know what's in the mop water. Editors supporting your candidacy may affix "adminship is no big deal" to their vote and complain about the sentiment "no clear need for the tools", but I haven't seen this ever bear out. It's no big deal to give someone you can trust with the mop a mop, but a very big deal to give a mop to someone you can't trust and/or don't like, and editors confronted with a nomination wherein you don't have a clear reason for being at RfA will express that confusion, possibly with opposition to your candidacy. You must demonstrate that you know what you're doing, what you will be doing, and maybe what you might be doing. If you cannot demonstrate competency, and especially in the area you're most interested in, you will fail.
 * 6) Nominators and the candidate should have a frank discussion about every relevant aspect of the latter before RfA. And you should insist on this if you are either party. Nominators, when you nominate someone for RfA, you are saying to the community, "I trust this person. I like this person. I think they will do great things, and I stake my reputation to that." So you need to trust the candidate. You don't want to be the person who nominates a(nother) Icewhiz sock. And candidates, nominators are there to support you and make your run as smooth as possible. You'll likely be spending months planning for an RfA if you really want to succeed, after all. So you need to go through everything with them that will or may come up at RfA, and more besides. Especially if you have strong and partisan views, especially if you have a lot of goofs in your closet or get into a lot of fights. Have them and others who support you quiz you on your understanding of policy and guidelines, and best practices. You only stand to gain.
 * 7) Do not promote your RfA. You are not running a circus. You may excite people who have asked you to run, but you will also probably annoy people who don't know you or don't trust you. A consequence of promoting my RfA was that I increasingly lost sight of the possibility that I would fail, and when I did, it hurt all the more. Remember this: a person's ability is inversely proportional to the amount they promote their ability.
 * 8) If you are an IRC regular or in the Discord server, vacate immediately and do not come back until after the RfA.

During
Of the thousands of days that have thus far comprised my life, the first day of my RfA ranks among the best. To paraphrase one of my nominators, "it's nice to know you're a valued member of the community". It was very uplifting to learn that a lot of people thought I was OK and were willing to support me. I suspect this is true for a lot of RfA candidates. And that it lasts exactly as long as it takes for your candidacy to get its first substantial, relevant opposes. I'll digress and emphasis this, because sometimes first oppose votes have very weak rationales, which almost always attract a lot of eyebrow raising. These opposes can be really annoying, but don't worry about them – when I got my first oppose, which was of that caliber, an unnamed admin messaged me on Discord, "That oppose is dumb and will only get you more supports". Incorrect in my case, but spot-on for other RfAs.

After that first day, RfA is an intensely lonely and stressful experience, and it can get worse. A rough RfA will thoroughly batter you, your morale, and perhaps your credibility. It can be full of bad omens and worse happenings. If it isn't, it can still be pretty nail biting. Especially if you believe in omens. Many of these arise by not observing my advice above, but many others may arise during your RfA. As an example, if, after the first 48 hours of your RfA, there is a lack of some prominent names among your supporters, prepare for trouble. You should also worry if a sizeable proportion of the support your candidacy is based on who your nominators are – it's a sign that you don't have name recognition. If you are getting questions like, "Is this your Reddit account", someone may be fishing for a more acceptable reason to cast a vote in opposition to your candidacy than "I dislike you."

Of the thousands of days that have thus far comprised my life, the fourth day of my RfA (third day in UTC) ranks among the worst. It's not easy to wake up to ~50 new oppose votes, and especially when you can't laugh them off; especially when they are cast by names you know and respect. But them's the brakes. In an unfair world, there are some oppose votes you don't deserve, but also some you definitely do. It is also spiritually and emotionally taxing to watch the fighting that can happen in, over, and because of an RfA. The more an RfA goes off the rails, the sharper your partisans' knives become until they detach from all other aspects of the RfA and start stabbing people. So how do you keep your RfA on the rails, or steer it back there?


 * 1) The best way to avoid a bad RfA is not to be a bad candidate. Refer to my advice above, and the standard RfA advice page.
 * 2) Do not edit anywhere on your RfA below the section for questioning the candidate. You should rely on other users to speak for you if it's needed, and it almost never will be needed. What is genuinely bad will often be reined in by the bureaucrats during the RfA, and ignored in their deliberations at the end of the RfA.
 * 3) Stay calm, and maintain the calm. As Miyamoto Musashi wrote in The Book of Five Rings, "maintain normal face". Take your time. Rein in your partisans, quietly and beyond public view. Don't break your F5 key. Find something else to do for at least part of the day, something that totally occupies you and leaves you unable to think about anything else for as long as you are doing that. You will need that reprieve.
 * 4) Do not ever reply to oppose votes. Tough them out. Learn from them. There is at least a kernel of truth in just about every utterance, and extracting that truth is a valuable art. Oppose votes will leave little work for you to do on that account.
 * 5) Do not ever publicly ask a bureaucrat for their intervention if it should be required. If, for example, a question is asked of you because someone is pushing an agenda, and if, for example, it sparks an argument in, say, your questions segment, quietly ask a(n uninvolved) bureaucrat to intervene. Someone will complain if you do it publicly, and they will cast a vote in opposition to your candidacy.
 * 6) Know which questions to answer and which to ignore. You can ignore a question or a few, and you should ignore bad questions. A big part of being a good baseball batter is knowing the difference between good and bad pitches; which to swing at and which to ignore. Lean on your nominators here.
 * 7) Write your answers with care. Do not be verbose, nor morose, and draft thoroughly. Bad answers, or answers people don't like, sink RfAs.
 * 8) Curate a playlist for your RfA. It'll help you release whatever you might be feeling, which is important. You don't want to boil over; you don't want to snap. Take suggestions if you ask for them – you might just find a new favorite.
 * 9) Know when to bow out. You can take the initiative and withdraw your candidacy if things aren't going well. And you should if your nominator(s) advises you to, and especially if the RfA is hurting you (sleep loss, ulcers, etc.) or you're rendered unable to keep regularly participating in it yourself. Pulling the plug still stings, but the face you can save is valuable, and you can avoid a lot of pain; believe me, every "moved to Oppose" from Support hurts. It's not cowardly to withdraw, and no one will hate you for doing it.

After
A lot makes an RfA, good and bad, smooth and rough, successful and unsuccessful. The aftermath of an RfA is also made up of many things. A successful, and even smooth, RfA is still stressful. A successful but rough RfA will leave you with a mop and a lot of baggage. But an unsuccessful RfA will leave you, at the least, with the stress and the baggage. An unsuccessful RfA will sap your morale. An unsuccessful RfA may introduce you to a lot of editors as "that one failed RfA". An unsuccessful RfA will hurt your chances at a future RfA, especially if you fumble in the aftermath. And all this assumes a basic, not-a-disaster unsuccessful RfA like the average "not quite yet". The consequences of a rough, or failed, or rough and failed RfA can be much, much worse and can be made much, much worse.

Allow me to briefly journal the aftermath of my RfA. Firstly, I should say that it was unique in two respects. First, it was unique to me for my failures in the roles of being a decent human being, editor, and candidate. Second, it was an extreme example of the process and even of unsuccessful RfAs. It closed after four days of pride and then conflict and rejection, destroyed my confidence in myself as an editor, member of the Wikimedia community, and as a person. I came away very depressed and angry at myself and some choice participants. I considered hanging up my pen. I considered changing my name, or starting over with a new account. I even considered killing myself. I didn't handle the aftermath well. An admin who had supported my candidacy later messaged me, "I think because of your RfA you're in a worse place to be[come] an admin."

This is all to say that my RfA and its aftermath was traumatic and, again, unique (I hope). But the feeling of having failed yourself, your nominators, and your comrades, the loss of self confidence, the disappointment, resentment, and maybe even humiliation are not unique to me and my RfA. Those are commonalities across all failed RfAs. Those are the natural consequences of a community into which you've invested a lot of time saying to you, "I DO NOT TRUST YOU". A lot of editors who have been denied a mop gave up editing Wikipedia, or dramatically scaled back their participation in the project. The failure of my candidacy left me feeling deeply humiliated, resentful, and ashamed of myself. A year after my RfA, I still felt unworthy of the respect of other editors, stopped doing the work that led me to ask for the mop in the first place, and increasingly avoided interaction with other editors.

This need not be you a year after your RfA. But if it is, that's OK. There's a lot of precedent on and off of Wikipedia for bouncing back from a setback like a failed RfA. You can learn from my mistakes, and from the examples of others. For example: if for some reason you still want to become an admin, consider that there are several admins who have failed RfA – sometimes several times – and passed later. Check them out if you want to run again. There is much to do after an RfA, and especially for a bad and unsuccessful RfA. So let me advise you about the aftermath.


 * 1) Nothing. The first thing to do, rain or shine, is nothing at all. If for no other reason than that the RfA is over, you should take it easy for a while. Do not rush into your new duties if you pass, and do not rush into oblivion if you failed. Take a nap. Take a break. Eat. Sleep.
 * 2) Cry. Chances are, if you're reading this, you're a man or were raised as one. So let me give you this advice: do not ignore your emotions. Do not bottle up them, as you may have been taught. If you've just gotten out of a bad RfA, or failed, you aren't going to be feeling good anyway. So feel bad. Process your emotions. Talk to friends.
 * 3) But don't lash out. The quickest way to validate, as loudly as possible, opposition to your candidacy especially if it is based on concerns of your maturity, is to lash out about that opposition. Bite your tongue. Don't make an ass of yourself.
 * 4) Count the silver linings. I know from bitter experience how much opposition to your candidacy can cloud your mind during and after an RfA. But don't let it reduce the support for your candidacy and the supporters thereof to forgotten shadows. I know how easily this can happen after a failed RfA; after all, you failed. But you should remember that those editors who supported your candidacy, and especially those who reaffirmed their support, saw something admirable and worth promoting in you. They saw the good in you, weighed it against the demerits, and decided that you were worth their support.
 * 5) Weigh your options. Failing an RfA can be very dispiriting; a common response to failing has been retirement. This is generally not advised, but my takeaway is if you don't feel like you can't or don't want to contribute any more... that's OK. You're free to go. And you're free to come back. Leave, if you need. Return, if your heart still lies in the pages of this Encyclopedia.