User:Vebrown/Mid-South Pride/HabeshaKid Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Vebrown


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * Mid-South Pride


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Mid-South Pride

Evaluate the drafted changes
(Compose a detailed peer review here, considering each of the key aspects listed above if it is relevant. Consider the guiding questions, and check out the examples of what feedback looks like.)

Lead
The lead section is brief and informative of what the article is about. As a reader, I understood what this article was about by reading the lead section. However, some of the content within the lead section is not present in the rest of the article. I would also recommend making the lead section into one, single paragraph.

Content
The content added is very relevant to the topic and up-to-date. I could not find any content that was irrelevant or not mentioned in this article. The article certainly deals with equity gaps. The article does a good job of representing a very underrepresented group of people: the LGBT community.

Tone and Balance
For the most part, the content added in this article is neutral. There are some phrases such as, "one of the major elements that separates Mid-South Pride organizations...". The word "major" as well as this sentence is structured is slightly biased in my opinion. At some points during the article I felt like I was reading more of an advertisement for Mid-South Pride rather than an encyclopedia entry (the latter being what Wikipedia articles are supposed to be). For example, the sentence "Mid-South doesn't just put on a festival any more." gives me the feel of an advertisement. This sentence can re-phrased to be more neutral.

Sources and References
This article provides external links to two sources. However, there are no in-text citations in the article. None of statements in this article are backed with a citation. Citations should be added.

Organization
This article is organized very well with helpful sub-headings. Some work can be made to sentence structures and the flow of sentences. At some points, the sentences get choppy and can be a bit confusing for readers. There are some grammatical errors. For example, a section of a sentence in this article reads, "With there help...". The word "their" should be used instead of "there". There are other grammatical errors so I would encourage a proof-reading.

Overall Impressions
The content added to this article significantly enhanced this article. The main strengths of this article is that it is well structured, it does a good job of representing underrepresented groups, and the lead section is very informative. The main ways to improve this article is to focus on making the tone of the article more neutral, to add citations, and to fix the grammatical errors.