User:VeniceLegend06/The Three Ages of Man (Titian)/Kth12 Peer Review

General info
VeniceLegend06
 * Whose work are you reviewing?


 * Link to draft you're reviewing:User:VeniceLegend06/The Three Ages of Man (Titian)
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists):The Three Ages of Man (Titian)

Evaluate the drafted changes
I think these all look like solid edits! I don’t really have any big critiques about the information itself, it all seems very relevant to what was already in the article & has added a lot to it. Most of my suggestions just have to do with phrasing. Some of them are about sentences that were already in the article, so I’m suggesting to modify or remove them.


 * Split up the Commentary section into at least 2 paragraphs, maybe at the X-ray part?
 * The use of “ he was known to have a house in the Grottenau filled with 'poetic fable' frescoes.” made me wonder if there’s a specific source for that claim (is the Humfrey source supposed to be used for this entire paragraph?). It feels a little too bold a claim to not have a direct source.
 * Maybe take out the “what is interesting to note”, it feels less neutral and more like something that’d be in an essay.
 * The History section starts with talking about something that Vasari stated, but it isn’t clear in the article who Vasari is and where/when he said this. I think just adding in short context would make it more clear.
 * “Several copies of it are known, one of the best of which is that at Rome's Doria Pamphilj Gallery.”
 * What is “one of the best” supposed to mean here? I can't tell if it's supposed to mean the most accurate copy or the one that is in the best surviving quality. Either way there should definitely be a source for that.
 * “There are no verified records of the next exchange between Giovanni da Castel Bolognese and Otto Truchsess von Waldburg but it is a known fact that, at some point, the painting was in the care of both of their hands.”
 * This reads as contradictory - how can it be a known fact if there isn’t any record of it? I’m sure it’s super difficult to find any records for this so I would just rewrite this sentence to reflect that.
 * I can’t see the sources for myself but I would just generally make sure that your paraphrasing is as different as possible from the original source!