User:Vghfr/Essays/You should fear my botany powers

''Muhahahaha! Now that I finally have you in my grasp.. You will finally witness the true power of... botany! Its over for you, everything I say is irrefutably true, regardless of if it is backed up by facts! My credentials as a botanist means I am clearly qualified to edit the article on the staged combustion cycle, without any prior knowledge! I can make claims, and you can't argue with them! See the power of botany? What? You don't believe me? Watch this! I'm going to add "is a pervert" to the article for Albert Einstein! ... What? How can this be? The edit got reverted? This is absurd! I'll be right back, give me a second. I need to go complain to an admin about how my entirely unbased and unsourced edit was ruthlessly removed from this site! This must be the work of the cabal! Or maybe the evil liberal agenda! Oooh, thats good, I'll go with that! Clearly Wikipedia wants to try to undermine my pure, unstoppable botanist powers! What? I got banned? How can this be? I know, I'll make legal threats! Surely this will work out in my favour! Why would my edits be removed anyways? My botany credentials clearly make me a reliable and irrefutable source of information on any topic! See? Look at my PhD! See? Where did you go? Don't leave me, I'm still talking to you! Where are you? Why don't I have any friends?''

We can help you!
Is this you? Do YOU find yourself feeling belittled because nobody will respect your credentials? Oh boy, do we have the solution for you! Call 1-800-WIKILWR to get the compensation YOU deserve! With our help you can get:
 * All of your controversial edits reverted
 * A delicious ban
 * Or, if you really keep it up, a non-revertible WMF Global Ban!
 * But most of all, you can look like an absolute fool!