User:Vidyabhargava/Redlining/Joyy.c Peer Review

General info
Charlie, Mannat, & Vidya
 * Whose work are you reviewing?


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://docs.google.com/document/d/1XnlfwjGXmuY7BKtU_5My_dyRLyT3Oy7KfUu9HewW-kI/edit
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Redlining

Evaluate the drafted changes
Content - I think you are adding meaningful, important info to both the health inequality and strategies to reverse effects sections. One thing I want to note is that in the health inequality section, you seem to give a lot of detail from one study (the part referring to 2020 census data), which could kind of blur out the pain point that is trying to be made. I think it would be helpful to make this part a little more concise! I also made a comment about the strategies sections and how I think it'll be helpful to include specific examples of success stories either in the US or in other countries to back the broad suggestions you make!

Tone and Balance - Michaela made a comment about one of the sentences in the first paragraph that could be a little more neutral and I agree with her! Other than that, though, you do a good job of being representative in terms of content and views!

Sources and References - The sources you linked all seem to be reliable and legitimate! It seems like you're referring to a lot of journal articles and studies, so make sure to double check that you're not making overwhelming generalizations from the results of just one study, though!

Organization - There are specific edits noted in the Google doc itself, but overall, the writing was easy to read and follow. I think the order in which you make your points also makes sense overall and the sentences flow well with each other!

Images and Media - Have you considered adding any images as well? The current Wiki article as it is does not appear to have very many, and I think it would be very helpful, although not essential, to include a few more relevant images both to make the page more visually appealing (instead of just paragraphs and paragraphs of text) and to provide visuals that supplement the text and help readers see/understand things better!