User:VisitingPhilosopher/prs

Copy success - Keep doing previous actions and traditions which worked.

- printed diary of things done.

- Evidence to re-read and prevent being subsumed by Gaslighting, Minimisation (psychology).

- menu plans

beware dwelling on disasters,

but need to name behaviours and emotions to remain assertive:- Minimisation (psychology)

--- Personal relationship skills are techniques which people can use to help in their long-term personal relationships. Personal relationship skills help to maintain intimacy in all its forms, intensify the emotional bonds of loved ones, strengthen relationships, and enrich people's lives with hope. The term "personal relationship skills" is typically used by psychologists, self help books, therapists (e.g., marriage guidance counsellors) and also mental health researchers and practitioners.

The skills listed together in relationship books are: loving well, kindness, care, communication, bonding, reflectiveness, fun, flexibility and parenting.

Pre-history
Examples of using these relationship skills appear in literary history since writing began. Written moral advice first appeared circa 3300BC-2000BC and a confrontation was documented in hieroglyphics circa 1350BC. {5}

Ancient
The Greek, Roman and Chinese philosophers had much to say on personal relationship skills, the institution of marriage was a bedrock of their society. For example - Ovid, Marcus Aurelius, Confucius, Socrates, Plato, Cicero. {5}

Present day
Research journals and a multitude of long-term studies report their new findings frequently. There is still much to learn and discover. For a review of some ongoing studies, see intimate relationships research. For instance, a finding that retaliatory negativity between partners during a conflict is arguably the most robust predictor of poor marital quality. However, that this degradation can be softened (according to a 120 heterosexual couple Chicago sample) by undertaking a 21 minute reappraisal writing task every four months, for one year.

Many authors develop an approach to relationships based on skills which can be learnt. {9}

Skills relevant to children
Children's skills differ from adults as their personal relationship is with their care giver whereas adult skills maintain the relationship between partners and build a circle of security for their children.

Breaking the cycle of raising insecure children - Research has proved that insecure parents raise insecure children. However it has also been shown that (with intervention) insecure children are not an inevitable outcome. If a parent is given appropriate training an insecure parent can raise a secure child. Building these skills is key for children: Resilience, self esteem, self-efficacy, readiness to learn and a positive social identity are all protective assets, influencing a very wide range of health and social outcomes. It is crucial that children enjoy good mental health as this forms the basis of an emotionally and physically healthy adult life.

Love
Loving well is a gift which people can delight in. Loving another person well enriches both - the sum of the two halves adds up to more as a whole. The hope for a joyous future together can allow a partnership to overcome seemingly intractable obstacles which come their way.

Kindness
In surveys, when people are asked what they most desire from their personal relationship, kindness appears as a highly prized trait sought for in a partner.



Human bonding
Physical intimacy plays an important part in long term relationships with displays of affection maintaining bonds and the ties that bind.

"We are designed by evolution to be primarily motivated to attach to other people" ~ David Wallin

Thinking about thinking
Several terms exist for this thinking skill
 * "mentalization" - Peter Fonagy
 * "meta-cognition" - Mary Main
 * Six Thinking Hats "blue hat" - Edward De Bono
 * "Reflective practice" - Donald Schön
 * "Psychologically minded"
 * "Psychological flexibility" - A.C.T.

"The whole idea of thinking about thinking is that we learn about ourselves through being understood by other people. Babies learn about their feelings by having their feelings understood by someone else." ~ David Wallin

Thinking about thinking is that capacity for reflecting on one's own experience and the experience of others that allows us:
 * 1) To raise secure children
 * 2) To free ourselves from repeating our own negative behaviours; to change our own programming.

i.e., To learn from our own and others' mistakes and to learn from others' good examples.

Studies have demonstrated that when individuals engage in therapeutic writing about emotional experiences, significant physical and mental health improvements follow. Changes in basic cognitive processes during writing are likely to result in better health. One study showed that reflective writing with insightful analysis had the best developmental outcomes for the writer themselves.

Open to change
Being open to change has been shown to be an important skill. Mindfulness can assist the development of this skill. Acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) promises to make the eastern mindfulness concepts more accessible to western readers. The ACT approach avoids several self-help traps. ACT does not make wisdom purely instrumental - not just a tool for achieving the perfect relationship or career. ACT does not lead to a path of obsessive self-improvement.

Meeting needs


Meeting of needs and showing care are assisted by communication. Falling in love is such a wonderful experience because it holds the hope that needs for attention, support and companionship will be satisfied forever. Unfortunately, for many reasons, this may not happen. In order to have a working partnership those in the relationship should feel their needs are being met, most of the time.

Encouragement
Encouragement, appreciation, praise, security

Negotiation
Two approaches are applicable for personal relationships:

(a) Constructive conflict
 * 6 stages: preparation, lead in, confrontation, active listening, negotiation, follow up

(b) Compromise

Cheerfulness

 * Physical activity, task setting, art, music, stories and humour, Love.
 * Accurate optimism. (3)

Best practices

 * Main article: Relationship basic principles

The best practices for happy relationships include communication and following principles.

Trust is one principle which cuts down on lots of rules between those in the relationship.

Seeking support - one pitfall

Seeking support is generally considered an important way for people to cope with stress. However there is a pitfall in seeking social support from friends about an intimate relationship.

Seeking social support from friends during marital difficulties has generally been found to be associated with negative outcomes It is not recorded in the research whether the couples who ended up in divorce found satisfactory social support or not. The pitfall is that an intimate relationship is very private and a partner who confides in friends breaks the confidentiality boundaries which a couple have a right to expect. This can cause problems for the relationship. It can be interpreted as a lack of respect for the partner's privacy. Seeking professional support from a relationship-focused counsellor should not normally have the same danger.

In other words - "your friends are likely to side with you."

Seeking support - relationship therapy

In seeking support via psychological therapy it has been found that the most important factor is the counsellor who performs the counselling. The actual therapy model or "theory" which the counsellor uses is less important. Amongst dozens of techniques are several therapy theories which have been empirically proven to be successful in helping intimate relationships.

However, who delivers the therapy is more important than which particular model the therapist follows.

Due to this finding there has been a call for a "paradigm shift" in training for therapists and counsellors. Therapists are more successful if they can fit the appropriate advice to the person's worldview.

A mindful, ACT, approach has been shown to give the best results for long term success. Being mindful is better than running to a therapist or turning to drink or drugs when problems arise.

Caffeine may cause or exacerbate anxiety disorders. A number of clinical studies have shown a positive association between caffeine and anxiogenic effects and/or panic disorder. Anxiety sufferers can have high caffeine sensitivity.

Criticism
“Science, when applied to personal relationships, is always just wrong.”

~ E. M. Forster

Dissolution of marriages

 * Divorce
 * Adultery
 * Grounds for divorce
 * No-fault divorce
 * Matrimonial Causes Act
 * Legal separation
 * Alimony
 * Parenting plan
 * Residence [UK (E.W. and NI)]
 * Parental rights
 * Custody Evaluator (U.S.)
 * Parenting coordinator (U.S.)

Category:Interpersonal relationships Category:Psychotherapy