User:Vrede1mp/Bamum people/Navar2mr Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Vrede1mp


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Vrede1mp/Bamum_people?preload=Template%3ADashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Bamum people

Evaluate the drafted changes
It looks like there was some valuable information added to the lead section of this article that was originally lacking. The lead section includes general information about population, location, and climate. The introductory sentence gives a clear indication of the article's topic. Something this lead section is lacking, is a brief outline or description of what information will be included in this article. For instance, the article includes sections about political structure, religion, and writing systems, but none of this is hinted at in the lead section. Adding this to the lead section would help readers understand early on if they are interested in the topics being discussed. Other than that, this lead section is clear and concise; there is not too much detailed information, just general facts that help the reader understand the basic information about the Bamum people.

The content added to this page was mostly in the lead section and a section about political structure. This content was relevant and up to date. The information about political structure was up to date in the sense that the source was relatively current (2009), however it was mostly about their political structure historically; Some information about modern political systems could also be useful in this section. There was also a bit of information added to the writing system section. This was helpful in making more sense of a section that already had a good amount of content, and was added in a place that made sense with what was already there.

This author did a nice job maintaining a balanced and neutral tone with the information they added. So far the content added is mostly factual, and didn’t seem to provoke any controversy that would lend to a biased tone.

All of the author’s new information is backed by two current, reliable sources. It is also clear that the information accurately reflects that of the cited source. For the amount of content added to this article, this seems like an appropriate amount of quality sources with links that work.

The organization of the added content is headed in the right direction, but could still use some work. The writing was pretty clear for the most part, but there were some grammar issues throughout some of the added information. For example this sentence: “Njoya used this script, he put together a book, composed of roughly twelve hundred pages.” The wording here was a little awkward. Some other small typos were also in the lead section, so a good read through for grammar/spelling will help with clarity. The different sections are organized well. I'm curious though, if some of them could be part of a more broad topic. If “Nguan” has a good amount of information, it makes sense to give it an entire section. Otherwise, Nguan might be able to work into another section like religion or culture.

Overall, the content added by this author has been a nice improvement to the article. There were a couple new sections added, as well as information to already existing sections. By adding more information with a wider range of sources, and some grammar editing, this article will be in nice shape.