User:W.reboot

I was a good person. I obeyed my parents and what the Church told me to do for 19 years. Then, one at a time, I allowed the things of this world to become my God. For a while it was food, then tobacco. Girls have really always been on the list. Soon it became fun and alcohol. I wanted to feel good about myself, though. I wanted to make sure people as a whole (Christians and my pothead drinking buddies alike) thought of me as the good person I grew up as. I wanted to lie to myself and successfully tricked myself into believing that the 2 times a year that I read my Bible and the sporadic church attendance was enough for God to let me pass. I mean, sure, I smoked and drank; but I went to church and told everyone they should. I surrounded myself with Christian roommates and stressed the need for unity in Christ and I always preached doctrine that was "sound" and told people that they should have a personal relationship with Jesus.

But I never had one myself. Butch Smith says it best "Your sin will take you father than you ever intended to go." I met one of the darkest parts of myself and the lies unraveled one by one. The crescendo was (after about 10 days of intoxication) I found myself sober in a friend’s apartment with nothing to do and my Bible was randomly one of the few possessions I had with me. I read Hebrews 5 and part of 6, which talks strongly about “Christians” who lacked maturity. It went on to use an analogy of a field that received rain, but only produced thorns. In the end, the field is useless and has to be destroyed. I felt hopeless at that moment because I realized all the fun and all the “good things” in my life were equally thorny. That all I had ever produced was for myself. I remember Romans 3:23 “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.”

Brokenhearted and feeling more alone with my empire of sand than I had ever felt before, I somehow managed to keep reading. Hebrews 6:9 “Though we speak in this way, yet in your case, beloved, we feel sure of better things—things that belong to salvation.” From that moment on, my life drastically changed. I no longer half way attended church, but was full devoted to what my leaders taught from the pulpit and made a point to pursue relationships with strong men of God. I read my Bible daily and prayed and made an effort for the first time in my life to have a relationship with Jesus the person (not the concept) who had been pursuing me the whole time. Immediately, I started having victory over the sins that had plagued my adult life.

These years have been a whirlwind. I could tell you about my career, Haiti, losing friends, and all the changes to my heart, mind, and theology. But none of it is as amazing as knowing the God, King, Creator Jesus. He has taught me how to love and by putting Him first I am finally able to give up selfishness little by little. I have hope and can see true change in my life. I know when I die I will see Him in paradise.

And the best part is He loves you and calls you, “Beloved” too. If you'd like to know more message me.