User:Wabisuke241/sandbox

Proposed edits to Wikipedia's The Chrysanthemums article for Your Class
Add here the issues you see with your current article that you might address.

Reading List
A numbered list of all your readings go here. Use the following format:
 * 1) Stanley Renner. (1985). The Real Woman Inside the Fence in "The Chrysanthemums".
 * 2) Emily Wingate. (nd). Elisa’s Unhappiness in “The Chrysanthemums”.

Original
The story has a panoramic view of the Salinas Valley in winter, shrouded in fog. The focus narrows and finally settles on Elisa Allen, cutting down the spent stalks of Chrysanthemums in the garden on her husband’s ranch. Elisa is thirty-five, lean and strong, and she approaches her gardening with great energy. Her husband Henry comes from across the yard, where he has been arranging the sale of thirty steer, and offers to take Elisa to town for dinner and movie to celebrate the sale. He praises her skill with flowers, and she congratulates him on doing well in the negotiations for the steer. They seem a well-matched couple, though their way of talking together is formal and serious. Henry heads off to finish some chores, and Elisa decides to finish her transplanting before they get ready to leave for town.

Revised
The story begins with the description the panoramic view of the Salinas Valley, shrouded in a winter fog. Our focus is turned to Elisa Allen cutting down spent stalks of chrysanthemums in the garden of her husband's ranch. Elisa is described as a lean and strong thirty-five year old woman working diligently in the garden. Her husband, Henry, approaches her after finishing up business with a couple of men down by the tractor shed. He gives her praise to growing another beautiful crop of chrysanthemums. Elisa asks her husband who the men were that he had been speaking with. He explains that they were from the Western Meat Company, and that he had sold thirty head of three-year-old steers for nearly asking price. He offers to take her to the city for dinner and picture show to celebrate. The tone of their conversation is formal and serious. After finalizing their decision of what to do in town, they part ways to finish up chores on the ranch. Henry goes off with Scotty, the farm hand, to the hills to bring down the cattle he had sold. This left Elisa free to finish her task of transplanting her chrysanthemums before having to get ready.