User:WhiteChocolateRaspberryTruffle/Ocular melanosis/Dshelby1 Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

WhiteChocolateRaspberryTruffle


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * Ocular melanosis


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)

Evaluate the drafted changes
(Compose a detailed peer review here, considering each of the key aspects listed above if it is relevant. Consider the guiding questions, and check out the examples of what feedback looks like.)

Very well done. compared to the old article, this version has been fleshed out considerably. The lead is concise and gives a good overview. The content is relevant and detailed, and the layout well broken down between BCEM and PAM. The image gives good detail, and the caption is brief and easy to understand. If there is an improvement to be made, it would be to the language and tone. There are places where the language could be written more in layman terms, such as "we would prefer to suggest an excisional biopsy with cryotherapy." I think a useful edit here could be something like "an excisional biopsy with cryotherapy is recommended."