User:Whitneyatwelle/Post-traumatic stress disorder and substance use disorders/FormallyTrainedHomunculus Peer Review

General info
Whitneyatwelle
 * Whose work are you reviewing?


 * Link to draft you're reviewing:
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists):

Evaluate the drafted changes

 * You've added a lot of information, and it does a good job of elaborating on the topic with relevant information. Your writing is neutral and well-sourced, and I find that it provides a good amount of information about the current state of research. From what I can tell, these sources are sound and good for the purpose of Wikipedia. You've added quite a bit of sound information, so most of my suggestions would be on organization and phrasing. Phrases such as "are a big factor" stand out a bit when compared to the rest of the writing within the article, and some sentence editing would make the article itself sound a bit more cohesive. One other point I might suggest is looking at ways to talk about specific populations. Though it might sound somewhat like a nitpick, I might also suggest rewording this specific sentence:
 * "Other populations that are disproportionately affected by both of these disorders other than veterans include women, African Americans, Hispanics,and members of the LGBTQ."
 * Unless there is specific data you are referencing that it is only black Americans disproportionately affected, it would be more appropriate to refer to this community as the black community or population, as it's important to remember that Wikipedia is not something just for American audiences. Somewhat similarly, it is more appropriate to use the phrase "Hispanic individuals" rather than "Hispanics." Finally, it would be more grammatically correct to phrase it as "members of the LGBTQ community/population", as the acronym is a collection of adjectives meant to describe individuals rather than an organization. An example sentence that fits within context of the passage might be something along the lines of "other groups disproportionally affected include women, Black and Hispanic populations, and members of the LGBTQ community." It might be appropriate to leave out the "other than veterans" portion as that is a bit repetitive.
 * Apologies if some of this sounds too specific--I think overall your information and additions are sound, and most of your work now is going to be formatting along with some possible supporting information that can help people understand why you added the information you did. On a whole however, you've got a solid foundation, and I think it's just the little things that will make that foundation work as part of a whole.